The Twenty One Aspects of Rei and Shinji
by The Second Studio 402 Team
Summary: Twenty one stories, each in a different genre, made by different authors. There is only one constant... next up, The Science Fiction Aspect: Death by Gravity, by DarckRedd.
1. The General Aspect: Unexplained

**The General Aspect: Unexplained **

**by Sideris**

Two figures walked down by the small stream.

Content in the noon hour, their stomachs filled by a home made lunch; they walked on along the small creek that bled into the nameless river. That nameless current bled into the lake that featured prominently in the center of the Geo-Front. It was sunny out. The reflectors from the surface shone through the clouds that formed at the summit of the Geo-Front dome.

The forest that skirted the soft shores of the stream was thick and dark. Almost primeval, like they were walking around in the beginning of time. The young man of the pair was silent, nervous and observant. He was hoping this would be a good day. Hoping very much so, in fact.

The female counterpart was also silent, but seemingly aloof, her eyes looking here and there. But seemingly, her gaze just went _through_ it all. She wasn't really there in some respects. Though she seemed plenty 'talkative' and attentive when they ate.

Suffice it to say, Shinji Ikari was a little buggered by her attitude. Ayanami had been talkative, at least for her, when they ate lunch. He bought lunches that suited their tastes and he wondered if she was displeased. All in all though, he had expected this in the back of his mind.

Ever since the Fifth, she and he had been closer and more detached at the same time. One would say they kept an eye out for one another. Though the NERV personnel chatted about it, no one could tell where their 'relationship' lie. If it was platonic or something a bit deeper for kids their age.

No one knew, not even the Children themselves. Perhaps they liked it more that way.

They simply existed as was expected of Pilots. Neither had true social lives, neither had many friends outside each other. Shinji had Touji and Kensuke, but that was about it at a stone's throw. Just at the edge where the stone landed was Hikari, but anymore, she was walking in closer to him.

And it made him happy and confused. Getting closer to Hikari and Rei had introduced more of a female element into his life, a stark relief to the insanity of his guardian's lifestyle.

It was a welcome addition to existence though for the young Ikari. As much as he became embarrassed or was teased about all the girls in his life, it was most welcome. A skittish glance to his walking companion told him nothing new, no new revelation of her personality was in her eyes. Just that far off and away gaze she wore.

"Am I unsettling you?" She spoke in that whispering tone.

"N-no! Well…" he sighed, "Not unsettle…just a bit unsure."

"Mm," she nodded to his words. "I am sorry. What makes you unsure?"

"You're so quiet all the time." He admitted, shocking himself with how easily that came out. They walked another five minutes along the twine of the creek. Shinji's sneakers scuff the water line, sending beads of water along flow, thick gobs of water jumping out when the drops hit.

"I…simply don't hold conversations, Ikari."

"You seem to do fine talking with Father." He flushed and averted his eyes, catching the slight narrowing of her eyes.

She _sighed_, "We have talked about this." She said no more on the matter. All Shinji could do was nod. He was being bitter still. Perhaps it was just easier than accepting the bare fact that father had barely spoken to him except in making him pilot the Evangelion.

He had reason to be this way, in his mind.

But for all the ire he could level toward Rei over it all…he didn't. Not after what happened with the Fifth and their talks they had in between. They had become closer as he and everyone else had seen but still distant. They had similarities, but in that way, they saw their differences.

They were simply different beasts in the world. But they saw the kindred spirit in one another, and simply put, that was all they needed at the time. Shinji's sneakers sank into the mud of the creek's banks where it began to widen into a small tributary river that ran from the mountains.

"It's so nice here."

"Yes, it is. The Commander says this place hasn't been walked in since the Geo-Front was built." Rei paused to look at the scene of the river running by, the sound of its flowing contents soothing both of them.

"That so?" There was one thing that Shinji never really cared for about the Geo-Front. He'd found this fact out after their third walk. It had been something just nagging at him the entire time they walked in this place. No animals. No insects.

It just…really unnerved him for some reason. One would think this would be a boon, and it was. No chance of running into anything potentially harmful and what not. But it soon lent an _un_natural quiet to the whole place. All they could ever hear was the river, the distant tram rails overhead, or their own breathing.

And that was most unsettling sometimes in the middle of nature. It was like the entire place had held its breath and was only letting it out in bursts through Humanity's intrusion. It may have been man made as Misato once said, but he wish Man brought some of Nature in with it.

Rei never seemed to care. Though he was sure she did, never voicing any concern. Maybe she'd walked here before? Hell, she could have walked all over this place in her life time and he'd never know the difference.

"Do you like this place Rei?" He asked after scuffing a stone into the water.

"It's calming, every time I come here."

"…I suppose that's a 'yes.'" Shinji sighed to himself. Rei nodded the affirmative, looking at him plainly.

"D-Do you ever just talk normally?"

Rei stared at him for a long moment and Shinji even flinched, predicting another head jarring slap like the one weeks ago on the stairs. He closed his eyes and only opened them after a tick. She simply stared at him with her head tilted to the side. "Are you afraid of me, Ikari?"

"N-Yes…just…just getting slapped more than anything." He idly rubbed his cheek, still feeling the echo of the last one. Rei knelt down into the bank, picking up a smooth limestone the size of her palm. She chucked it across the river. It skipped, Rei Ayanami knew how to skip stones and it shocked Shinji right out of his memory.

"Never be afraid. I have no reason to hurt you, now do I?" He was still looking at the expanding rings of the lost stone's descent. She shook her head and walked on.

"You never said you could skip stones!" He finally blurted out, following her at pace. He was picking up every idle stone he could, trying to recreate her easily made flick of the wrist.

It wasn't that easy.

"What you do not inquire shall never be learned, Ikari."

Shinji sighed, "I knew you'd say that…or at least…something like that." A breeze kicked up from the east, the fresh scent of the trees washed over them. Quite refreshing like the breeze itself. Shinji often wondered if this is what the world was like before Man came. That's what the countryside of the Geo-Front evoked in his mind anyway.

"All right then…wh-what are you…" he flushed a little. He hated being direct. It wasn't something familiar or easy for him, but he had to try someday… "What are you afraid of?"

"Being empty in the end. There simply being nothing." She said, not breaking her stride, deftly tossing another stone, skipping thrice along the surface of glassy water. Reflected sunlight crinkled and shattered when the stone finally passed the surface to the sandy bottom below.

"Is that…I don't think I've ever heard someone say that."

"It's what I fear, Ikari. Don't you fear it? Afraid of nothingness? Of being empty…I suppose one would say, alone?" That he could identify with all too well. He simply nodded. "And yet…I'm not alone anymore am I not?"

Shinji smiled a little at her last words, "That's probably the most optimistic thing I've ever heard you say."

"Indeed. Perhaps not alone, but in the end…empty?"

Shinji raised a brow and walked on with her, scuffing the mud and dirt. A wayward stick was kicked into the river. It was quiet for a time, Shinji fidgeted with his change in his pocket, the jingling really the only noise around them. The silence was always unnerving. "How," he said after a time, "do you stand the silence?"

"It's what I've existed with always, Ikari."

"Ayanami…you really can't mean that. You talk with Father and some of the other staff all the time. I've seen you around, you're not completely anti-social like the kids at school pin you to be."

"Hn, perhaps." She eyed him, "You…watch me, Ikari?"

The boy blushed, "Kind of hard not to when I'm in my Eva…yours is right across from mine." _Please…_

"Ah. I suppose it is."

_That was surprisingly easy to walk out of… _His shoulders slumped a little in relief. Perhaps all wouldn't be like some soap opera, with her digging for more information. Then again, they weren't the most inquisitive people in the world.

"They're sending another pilot soon." He voiced.

"Yes, I've heard about her from the Commander. Supposedly, she is a well-groomed pilot."

"Really? You mean actually trained to do this?" He bit his own tongue with his last words, "I mean, we both know you are too…"

"It is alright, I know I had…difficulties in my first tries to pilot the Prototype." Her left hand went to rub her right arm unconsciously.

"What was it like…?" His eyes focused on the baby blue hair that crowned her head.

"You mean the incident?"

"Y-Yeah…" It was a sore subject maybe…but it was something more personal and well, they were getting to know one another better. Shinji decided it wouldn't be so bad as to try to venture into deeper territory to talk about.

They walked onto the banks of the greater tributary river, nameless in its ever going pursuit of the creek to the lake far below in elevation. She was silent for a whole time and Shinji simply forgot the question, probably far better not to ask another. When, in some what miraculous favor to the young man, she spoke.

"It was…traumatic." Shinji experienced Rei's power of understatement, but was still awed nonetheless she was even speaking on the matter. "It hurt, to put simply…" she trailed off. Silence reigned like a mighty king for a dynasty.

"Oh…" The soft hum of distant VTOL filled the air.

_It was worth a try…I guess. _Shinji hated being at an impasse. Awkward silences were the most painful thing he could observe in social situations sometimes. Brought up too much time to think, too much time to make words slip away.

"It hurt…and it burned like a fire." Shinji's eyes slowly leveled off on her head, watching her movements. "Something was just…screaming, then pain, then I blacked out. The next thing I remember is something the Commander was screaming and…and nothing…" Her monotone voice took on a deeper undertone of 'don't want to talk about it.'

Shinji scowled privately. He knew what 'nothing' meant. When his father saved her. He shut his eyes and shook his head, his feet scuffing along the gravelly path near the river. It was no time to think on that in between their words. Sadly, all it would do would make him resentful toward his friend. And their friendship was just budding. Petty jealousy now or the wrong words would simply shatter all of that.

All they had worked for to get to the point of speaking regularly. Regular people, they were not. That much was known by all. What wasn't known was how hard it was for them to interact. Days like today were rare and few and far between in coming.

And she knew that too. Shinji liked to think Rei wouldn't endanger a new friendship. As far as he knew…he was it as far as her list of friends went. He was up on her by two, but still, it didn't count for too much did it? Nearly getting them killed along with himself in the Evangelion wasn't the best way to impress…

The young man sighed, "I'm sorry…"

"Why?"

"I…don't know. Because it hurt?"

Rei stopped. Like a boulder hitting the earth, she stopped. The teenage girl turned on her heel. Red eyes bored into blue for a long, long time. Shinji flushed red and shook his head, "I-I'm-"

"Do not be sorry. It is of no consequence." Another VTOL whined overhead. The world was silent again, that almost oppressive silence pervaded the trees around them. The slosh of the water in the river was an unnatural background track. Shinji was then witness to a most astonishing event.

Rei coming up short for words. For a girl who never spoke that often in class, one would think she had a plethora to draw upon. Amazingly, she had none, so it would seem. "One should never…feel sorry for one who cannot accept it as a normal person does. Do you understand, Ikari?"

He nodded the affirmative even though he clearly did not. Something in her eyes wanted him to understand. A feeling in the back of his mind told him it would be many moons or even years before he would. And with the lives they lead, he felt he'd not have the time to do so. He could die in the next engagement or even she could. Too many variables to even attempt friendship in, but they did anyways.

Shinji still felt awkward. Technically, she was his only 'close' female friend. And she was hardly close to him and him to her. Kinship was formed only in a tenuous bond of a smile and words back by pain. It wasn't all they had, but for now it was the backbone of it all.

"I…I wish to some day be able to accept your apology and appreciate." Shinji bit his lip and nodded again. His legs felt as weary as his mind at the moment. "Are you well?"

"Just a little tired," he shrugged. "Can we sit somewhere?"

"Yes." She pointed over to a cropping of stone that sat a few feet from the shallow banks of the river. It would be as fine a place as any. They sat and for a while, just watched that river flow on and on for as long as the Geo-Front had existed.

"What do you think of this place, Ikari?" Rei's eyes followed the white froth of the flowing river, the shimmering lines underneath the water in reflection.

"I like it," he finally spoke after a time. "We've only been here a few times…and I like it a lot. It's peaceful. It's just the silence that gets to me sometimes."

"I know…but is it the quiet borne of the lack of life…or the lack of our talking at times?"

Shinji flushed a little, "More so the silence has borne of us."

She nodded, "I don't know what to speak about…for that I…" she sighed a little.

Shinji let out a sudden chuckle, gaining a raised eyebrow from his walking companion. "Have I said something humorous?"

He shook his head, raising his hands in an attempt to ward off any anger, "No…I'm just the last person you should apologize too. Or even attempt to."

Her head tilted to the side, "If that is so, then why do you see the need to apologize and kiss other's feet as if you were some Untouchable? Why do you simply not exist as they once did?"

Shinji's laughter died a cold death. "Um, I-I…I don't…know."

Rei enlightened him with that small smile she kept. "Then, Shinji Ikari…why do you think so low of yourself, in the end?"

His head lowered an inch, as if to inspect the grains of sand at the foot of the rock he sat on. He fidgeted, folding and unfolding his hands several times. Then a surprising thought hit him, "Untouchable? Like…the people in India we learned about?"

"Yes, why…why do you see yourself so low? Below us all?"

"I just do."

"That's a pathetic reasoning for anything, and you know this."

"But it's what I believe…" He wrung his fingers out like a towel; they flushed as blood was squeezed a little. He regarded his friend with a sideways glance, shaking his head at his own self. Being nothing…was all Shinji knew. At least, no self value. He didn't matter.

She spoke.

"What you believe and what the truth is are not always the same Ikari. Especially with this." Shinji gave a non-committal shrug, his lips twisting this way and that. "Your self-worth is no better than my own."

"Hn." All he could do was nod. That unexplainable silence drifted down between them once more.

For a time after that, into the first hour of the noon time, they just sat there. Off in their own realms of thought, the world passed by around them. The trams spun lazily up toward the city and down to the Geo-Front respectively. VTOLs rushed overhead, this way and that.

And for the first time, Shinji Ikari heard something in the relative silence of the Front. His ears perked up a little, "Is that…?" The soft twitter of a bird in the distance, somewhere in the forest, lilted in on the winds.

"I would suppose that life prevails, anywhere, doesn't it?" Rei's words shook him from his soft reverence.

"I-I suppose it flew down from the city…"

"Indeed. Shall we go? We have the synch test at three." She stood and dusted off her skirt.

"Yeah…" his feet lazily lifted his frame to an upright bearing. His eyes scanned the forest for that elusive caller of the sounds. Suddenly, movement caught his eye a ways off. Two small birds flitted off from tall pines that lie somewhere deep in the woods. A smile crept over his lips. "Maybe this place won't be so foreboding anymore…"

"No, perhaps not." Rei shrugged, walking along the path. She stopped after only a few feet though. "Ikari…"

"Uh, yeah?"

"May we walk here again in a few days? It is nice here. I like it."

Shinji could only nod as he watched those birds disappear off into the distance. "So do I…" He fell in behind her, wondering yet again. Perhaps…perhaps that silence that always pervaded their speech and walks wasn't truly borne of awkwardness. Maybe they really didn't need much to say to understand their limited bounds for now.

They understood each other perfectly with what they knew. They were friends and they spoke when it was needed. Really, what more was there to add to that?

Unexplained silences…well, they were just something a bit deeper. Just understanding in a way. In time, perhaps they would speak more. Less unexplained, more understood. The loose bonds of friendship would tighten in time. Who knew where that would take them?

They would know by the End.

(The End)

A/N: Just a General category fic, a talk on life and a musing of friendship. It's not a pairing, no romance, just a slice of life. Hopefully the 402 team can enjoy it enough to post it in this 'hallowed' ground of fic-dom. Enjoy it, please.


	2. The Romance Aspect: Casting off

The Romance Aspect: Casting Off by Nathan Yuen (Hamstadini)

It felt like hours since Misato walked away, leaving Shinji staring toward the distant shore across the lake that he had come to think of as Rei's Sacrifice. He felt like he could stare for hours more; it kept him from thinking.

Thinking about Asuka. About Rei. About Kaworu.

Because thinking about them – the Children, the victims of this terrible war – always brought about that inevitable question – _why am I still living?_

It felt like such an injustice to be the one pathetic, spineless boy left standing when the others deserved better. He was alone. No one could understand what they've been through. Not Misato. Not Father. Not Maya or the others.

Especially not the Copy, the one that replaced –

"Ikari."

Shinji leapt out of his seat, startled by Rei's – the Copy's – sudden appearance. He glared at the girl who stood an arm's length behind him, her school uniform fluttering in the wind. It fitted her naturally as if she had worn it for fourteen years of her life instead of just a few days.

Upset but not knowing why, Shinji demanded, "What are you doing here?"

Instead of responding, she sat in the divot that Shinji left, drawing her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. It was a gesture that the Rei _he_ knew would never do.

_It's an insult,_ Shinji seethed, _an insult to all that Rei lived for._

Gazing out toward the lake, the Copy observed, "So… this is where she made her sacrifice."

"Yes, _she_ did," Shinji retorted, "And what are you going to do? Take her place? Do you think you can ever replace her?" The questions, fueled by his frustration, spat out of his mouth faster than he could think. "And who are you? Are you Rei Ayanami? Are you an angel half-breed? Are you my mother's clone? A freak of nature? Who are you? _What_ are you?"

Panting from his tirade, all Shinji could do was glare at the Copy while she stared out toward the shoreline. He half expected her to pounce on him for his impertinence, kill him, tear him to shreds like the freak she was. And he would have welcomed the opportunity for her to put him out of his misery.

"I don't know," she whispered, to Shinji's shock, "I don't know who I am."

"There is this immense vacuum inside me," she said, placing her hand on her breast, "and the sensation that it was filled before. But I have lost the substance that filled it, and I want to find it again. Moreover, _I_ want to discover who Rei Ayanami is – not have my identity reported to me by the Commander or any of his subordinates."

She rose, and Shinji took a step back as she turned toward him. "The Commander does not require my services at present. I have requested a leave of absence, which will not be contested, due to my exemplary record – "

"_Her_ record," Shinji cut off, "You just managed to reap the rewards."

"Nevertheless," the Copy continued, "The leave will be useful; I will voyage the world, until I discover who Rei Ayanami is. And," she said, extending her hand to him, "I would like you to accompany me."

Shinji flinched away from her reach. "_Me?_ Why me?" He asked, not able to think of anything else.

"You were a contemporary of the Second," she explained, "You would be able to remember her in a fashion that the Commanding officers could not."

The Clone took a breath before continuing. "Secondly, you were important to her."

"What?"

"Can you not feel it, Ikari? This is the place of her sacrifice. She would have willingly given up her life at an order from the Commander, but she would not have been _glad_ in doing so. And yet… there is peace here, not regret or sorrow."

With an effort, Shinji shrugged off his self-pity and loathing to glance around. Yes, the ground was still cracked and scarred. Yes, gnarled trees still had upturned roots. Yes, the buildings were still hollowed shells of their former selves. But Shinji had to agree; sorrow didn't permeate the land.

It was all his own.

His guard down, Shinji could not help but see the intensity in the Clone's face, enhanced by the flecks of dying sunlight in her eyes. She had a sense of urgency, beyond anything, everything else.

"You were important to her," she repeated, "therefore, that means you are worth protecting all the more. Which alludes to my third point.

"I can sense the chasm within you, Ikari. It is a gaping wound torn open by the trials of this war. Given time, it will destroy you and leave you lifeless either physically or mentally. This recess will instill the healing process."

In the seriousness of her tone and in her eyes, Shinji could find no argument. Still, he gnawed at his lip, worrying. "What about Asuka?" he blurted, thinking about the comatose girl in the hospital.

Rei nodded. "We will return to visit her occasionally. It would not be kind to leave her in neglect… we will tell her of our expedition when she wakes – perhaps she would be willing to join us."

"And the leave of absence form?"

"I will request the Commander to forgo it, allowing the possibility of immediate leave."

Shinji looked down in serious thought, still not taking the Clone's hand. "I'll think on it."

The Clone dropped her hand and looked out toward the setting sun. "Please, think quickly. Should you decide to come, I will be at the train station, two days from now. The train will depart at noon."

* * *

Two days later at 11:55, Rei waited on the steps to the train station, one hand grasping a duffel bag filled with her meager belongings. The train sat patiently at the station, preparing to leave at any moment. 

Rei had hoped that Shinji would consider joining her for the journey… she felt that he would benefit from the journey as much, if not more, than she would. But his hesitance disturbed her.

She doubted that he would join her, considering how much terror and loathing she saw in his eyes. As the seconds ticked down the possibility became more likely, and she trudged up the stairs in preparation to leave. It would inconvenience Rei to wait another hour simply because she held out hope.

Underneath the canopy, Rei surveyed the city and the devastation – her home for the past fifteen years, no longer. It was time to leave and see what the new world had to offer.

"_Last call for Osaka,"_ The PA system beaconed, and without pause Rei stepped through the doorway. As she did, she felt the emptiness inside her grow a little larger.

_It is for the best_, she reasoned as the doors closed behind her and the train began to move, _He has made his decision, and I will respect it._

Then she felt - not heard - him call and she turned around.

He was there, running down the street, face falling as he saw the train started to build up speed.

Without a second thought, Rei yanked on the emergency break by the door, bringing the train to a screeching halt. Prying the doors open, she hitched up the duffel bag and ran down the steps, heedless of the alarms she triggered behind her. She skidded to a halt in front of the panting Shinji.

He gasped out, "Had to…say goodbye to… Misato and Asuka."

Rei averted her eyes, embarrassed. "I apologize."

"Don't. I'm the one that's late." Shinji gulped in a lungful of air. "I thought a lot about you and about me during these past few days."

Rei scrutinized his face, but his expression gave away nothing. "Did you come to a conclusion?"

"No, I couldn't. I just can't think of you as Rei Ayanami just yet. It's too hard for me to bear, and it would shame her memory." He looked away. "But… I'll go with you, to help you. I have nothing else at the moment."

Rei allowed a slight smile cross her lips. "That is all I ask. Shall we go?"

Shinji nodded, and they walked, side by side toward the steps, and to the future…

END

Author's note: I've been told that we jump straight to Instrumentality in Episode 25, it's possible that after Episode 24 Rei could have traveled the world in search of self.

No one signed up for "The Romance Aspect," at Apartment 402 so I had to make one myself.

I know you're wondering. WHAR KISS? WHAR "I LOVE YOU?"

I will reiterate that I have never thought of R/S as a quickly moving couple. I'm sure that I could have made a WAFFy oneshot including kisses and admissions of love, but it doesn't… feel right to me. The love doesn't come from words or physical affection here, but the choices we make and who we affect with them. In this case, Shinji shows that he still cares for Rei by tagging along with her… no matter what she is.

This oneshot leaves many a possibility open. If someone wants to make a series out of Rei and Shinji's search for self, I will support it. However, if you want to use this beginning as the jumping off point, please contact me first via PM at my profile. It's in the favorites section of The Second Studio 402 team.

Inspired by "Life is Like a Boat" by Rie Fu, especially these lines:

_"Nobody knows who I really am_

_Maybe they just don't give a damn,_

_But if I ever need someone to come along,_

_I'll know you will follow me, and keep me strong."_


	3. The Dramatic Aspect: Three Kisses

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction incorporating characters and situations from the Gainax manga/anime series _Neon Genesis Evangelion _and its related feature film releases. Gainax and its various media distributors hold sole exclusive rights to their use. The author is in no way affiliated with Gainax or its distributors, nor has this story been submitted for any commercial purpose.

_**The Dramatic Aspect – Three Kisses**_

by Ikarus Onesun

xxxxx

"Hey, Shinji… you wanna kiss me?"

Shinji Ikari was _sure_ he must have misunderstood what his roommate had just asked him.

He looked up from the textbook he had been studying on the floor of the apartment he shared with his guardian, Major Misato Katsuragi, and his fellow EVA pilot, Asuka Langley Soryu, and gaped at the redheaded German girl incredulously. Her head was lying on the kitchen table where she sat beside him, and she was considering him with a calm, thoughtful expression, not the disdainful scowl that she usually reserved for the Third Child.

The two were alone in the apartment – Misato had called earlier to tell the Children that she was staying out late from the wedding she had attended earlier in the day to go drinking with Ryouji Kaji. Asuka was initially outraged at the news, as she still harboured a deep crush for Kaji, her former guardian, and she considered the handsome NERV agent to be her sole property and future husband-to-be. But since Misato's call, she had sunk into a quiet, pensive mood, which didn't bother Shinji in the slightest as he studied for Monday's physics exam.

Shinji half-expected Asuka to break out into a peal of laughter as soon as he reacted to her question, as she delighted in making him the butt of her jokes, but the girl remained straight-faced, regarding him with an odd look of… _expectancy._ He pulled the earbuds from his SDAT out, to make sure that he heard her perfectly clearly.

"Huh… _what?_" he stammered, still desperately hoping that he had simply misheard what Asuka had said.

"Kissing… _you_ know," she reiterated, instantly dashing Shinji's hopes. "Have you ever done it?"

Shinji swallowed hard. _What business is it of hers?_ he thought to himself nervously, although the truth of the matter was that he did not want to admit to the redhead that he hadn't. Resolving to lie, he nodded his head in the affirmative, but he was inwardly mortified as, unconsciously, he simultaneously blurted out. "Uh-uh."

_Oh, God, _he thought morosely. _Here it comes…_

Once again, he feared the cruel laughter that would surely burst from the redhead in response to his inept reply, but strangely, Asuka did not laugh. In fact, she looked… _intrigued_.

"So let's _do_ it," she suggested, raising her head from the table and keeping her deep blue eyes fixed on Shinji.

Shinji began to feel panic build within him. If this _was_ a joke, then Asuka was pushing it to the limit.

_Maybe… maybe she's serious, _he thought, as a pink flush began to spread across his cheeks. _Maybe she really does want to kiss me…_

He struggled to make his mouth work as he stared into the redhead's eyes, longer than he had ever had opportunity to do before. _I've never seen eyes that colour, _he thought. _So beautiful…_

"Uh, but… _why_?" he finally managed to blurt out, still captivated by the German girl's azure gaze.

Asuka merely shrugged. "I've got nothing else to do," she replied matter-of-factly.

Shinji was instantly taken aback, confusion playing across his features as he managed to pull his eyes away from Asuka's. "_That's _your reason?" he exclaimed, his face falling. "You're weird."

He turned his attention back to his textbook, feeling slightly disgruntled. He was right – Asuka was just kidding around with him. _Nothing else to do?_ He would have preferred for her to have said something like, "_because I think you're cute, Shinji"_ – even if she didn't mean it – or maybe, _"I've never done it either, and I want to know what it's like."_

Nothing _else_ to do? _That_ was a reason for wanting to kiss him?

He suddenly realized that he was genuinely upset. Usually, he just accepted Asuka's frequent torments as a normal part of life with the Second Child. He had been subjected to numerous barbs, insults, and pranks since she had moved in with him and Misato – but for some reason, this particular joke was cutting a little too close to the bone.

Asuka merely looked on in amusement as Shinji turned away from her, frowning, as he stuck his nose back into his book. She was enjoying watching the Third Child squirm, positive that he would not have the spine to take her up on her offer. Smiling coquettishly, she decided to turn the screws even tighter.

"Afraid to kiss a girl on the anniversary of your mom's death?" she purred sweetly. "Is she watching you from up in Heaven?"

The words were a red flag to Shinji. Asuka was taking this to a place that he was very uncomfortable with, and he resented her even bringing up the subject of his mother. He had agonized over this day for weeks, knowing that visiting his mother's grave meant that he would have to spend time with, and talk to, his cold, distant father, Commander Gendou Ikari. Their encounter earlier that day had actually gone off better than Shinji had expected, but after paying their respects to Yui Ikari's memorial, his father had merely walked away from him, boarded an awaiting NERV VTOL, and flown away, leaving him all alone in a vast sea of grave markers. Shinji's secret hopes of a reconciliation, of perhaps even forging the beginnings of a new relationship with his father, had been shattered, and Asuka's mention of the anniversary served only to rub salt in the wound.

"That's not it," he muttered darkly, hoping that Asuka would take the hint and drop the issue.

Asuka had no intention of doing any such thing, obviously delighted that Shinji was becoming visibly annoyed. "Or are you _scared?"_ she goaded, her smile spreading even wider.

It was the last straw. Fuming, Shinji shot up to his feet, glaring at the redhead as his textbook tumbled to the floor. Asuka sat back in her chair, genuinely surprised at the Third Child's reaction to her taunt, and she was even more surprised when she heard the normally timid teen angrily declare, "I'm not afraid! _Pucker up_!"

For a moment, Asuka had no idea what to do. She had been thinking about Kaji all night, ever since she heard that he was going out with Misato, and about how wonderful it would be to kiss him. Although she would never admit it, she had never kissed a boy either, and when she finally _did_ have the chance to kiss Kaji, she wanted it to be perfect. She needed to practice – but how? Eventually, her eyes had lighted on Shinji as he quietly studied, and although the thought of kissing the Third Child was repulsive to her, he _was_ a boy, so at least he could be useful to her in that regard. Besides, it would be fun teasing him about it, and he was such a coward that he'd probably _never_ agree to kiss her, so either way, it would at least be entertaining…

But now, as Shinji stood before her, his eyes strangely intense as he silently defied her to back up her words, she suddenly felt as if she'd been backed into a corner – and she didn't like it one bit.

_All right, Third Child, let's see how much nerve you really have,_ she thought.

"Right!" she exclaimed as she rose determinedly from her chair and fixed her gaze on Shinji, who gamely stood his ground. Her eyes narrowed slightly as she paused to scrutinize the brown-haired teen. "Did you brush your teeth?" she queried, the way a mother might ask a misbehaving child.

Shinji blinked, completely unprepared for such a question. "…yeah," he murmured, nodding slightly.

Asuka set her jaw. "Then here I come!" she announced, radiating confidence as she advanced toward Shinji.

The redhead was sure that Shinji would turn tail and run right then and there, but as she moved closer to him, she was astounded when the Third Child remained rooted to the floor, watching her intently as she closed the distance between them. She halted only inches from his face, staring into his slate-gray eyes, and waited.

_He'll run away, _she thought, although she found that her confidence was rapidly evaporating.

Shinji merely gazed back at her calmly, showing no sign at all that he was about to bolt. In fact, Asuka almost believed that he was waiting for _her _to back away.

_Why isn't he afraid?_ she wondered, suddenly unable to discern whether she was annoyed, or _excited_, by the Third's resolve. Long seconds passed as they gazed at each other, before Asuka finally decided to see just how far Shinji was willing to take this. She leaned in close to him, pursing her lips, until their noses touched, her bright blue eyes watching him for even the smallest reaction.

The pink flush returned to Shinji's cheeks, and she was certain that _this time, _he would surely break, but she was shocked when instead, he closed his eyes, pursed his own lips, and leaned into her until his mouth was little more than a hair's breadth from hers.

_Unglaublic__h_, she thought, suddenly alarmed, as she stared wide-eyed at the waiting Third Child. _I'm actually going to have to go through with this…_

Asuka determined that there was no way that _she _was going to back down. And strangely, as she stood before him, she found that the thought of kissing Shinji was not _quite_ as repulsive as she had first imagined…

To his credit, Shinji was doing an admirable job of holding his ground in the face of Asuka's aggressive overtures, his anger at the redhead's manipulations serving to temper his resolve. But inside, he was still extremely nervous about this whole situation, and his breathing came out in rapid puffs through his nose as he waited for Asuka to lean in farther and touch her lips to his.

After a very long pause, he opened his eyes to meet Asuka's own once more, and was surprised to see the look of _uncertainty _that had crossed the Second Child's features.

_Is she… scared?_ he thought to himself, as he searched her face curiously.

Asuka suddenly felt cornered once again. She could feel his quick breath against the side of her face, and it raised her ire. "Stop _breathing_! It's _tickling_ me!" she complained.

Shinji began to mumble an apology, but his words were cut off when Asuka reached out and grabbed his nose with her right hand, pinching his nostrils shut. He yelped in pain as she used her grip on his nose to roughly turn his head to the side, and a split second later, she was pressing her mouth to his.

It should be said here that, in reality, first kisses _rarely_ happen the way they are portrayed in many storybook romances. In most cases they are in fact awkward, clumsy, uncomfortable, and sometimes, even painful.

Shinji's first kiss was definitely _not_ of the storybook variety.

At first, he was preoccupied only with the stinging in his nose as Asuka twisted it to his left. Suddenly unable to breathe, he gasped through his mouth, and then he became acutely aware of the sensation of Asuka's lips on his. His own mouth was tight-lipped, as the intensity of the moment and the pain from Asuka's grip seemed to cause his entire face to freeze. His skin felt hot as a crimson blush bloomed across his face and seemed to spread down his entire body. Asuka, sensing his resistance, doubled her efforts, mashing her mouth against his and physically trying to spread his lips apart with hers. After a few moments, she succeeded in parting Shinji's lips, and the Third Child's eyes opened in shock as the redhead forced her tongue past his teeth and began roughly exploring his mouth. The sensation of her tongue scraping against the roof of his mouth was not… _unpleasant, _but the aggression with which she performed this act left him at a total loss. Should he do the same to her? Would she pull back and hit him if he tried? He decided it best to just let her take control, and stood there rigidly as Asuka continued to push her mouth against his, making loud slobbering sounds as she worked her lips and rapidly swirled her tongue around and around in his mouth…

After more than a minute, they finally staggered away from each other, Shinji gasping for air as he had scarcely had an opportunity to breathe during the entire experience. Panting, he looked across to Asuka, who stood before him with an odd expression on her face. She raised a hand to wipe the saliva from her mouth, letting her fingertips linger on her lips as her great sapphire eyes stared deep into Shinji's own for the briefest of moments, a kaleidoscope of emotions rioting across her features. A split-second later though, as if a switch had been thrown in her head, her face twisted into a scowl of disgust, and a loud _"UGHHH!!!"_ erupted from her as she whirled and bolted to the bathroom.

Shinji listened outside, mortified, as he heard Asuka slurping water from the sink tap and gargling frantically, as though she had eaten something that had spoiled and was trying to wash the taste out of her mouth.

"Ugh! Eww! Bleh! I should _never_ kiss to kill time!!!" she shrieked, between mouthfuls of water.

The Third Child, still dazed and confused from the experience, leaned against a wall for support as he listened to Asuka's histrionics in the bathroom. Somehow, he had never pictured his first kiss happening quite like _this_…

xxxxx

Later that night, Shinji lay awake in his bed, mulling over everything that had happened that evening.

After the incident with Asuka, Kaji had arrived at the apartment, practically dragging Misato like a sackful of rice behind him, her arm draped over his shoulder as she stumbled alongside the ponytailed agent. It was clear that Misato was incredibly drunk, and with Shinji's help, they managed to get her first to the bathroom to swallow a couple of aspirins and a little water, and then to her bedroom, where they left her sprawled across her futon with her party dress still on. Asuka had refused to help, too disgusted with Misato's condition and too taken with Kaji's presence in the apartment to be able to do anything but stare lovingly at him as he tended to Misato. When it was finally time for him to leave, Asuka had begged him to stay, but he had refused. She had clutched at his arm as he made his way to the door, but her face abruptly fell as she recognized a familiar scent on his clothes – the lavender perfume that Misato favoured.

Realizing what must have transpired between her guardian and the object of her affection, Asuka could only stand mutely as Kaji stepped out of the apartment, pausing only to ask Shinji, "Take care of Misato, okay?" before he made his way into the night. As Shinji closed the door behind him, he noticed the crestfallen look on Asuka's face, but when he asked her why she looked upset, she snapped, "That's because you _kissed_ me, you _jerk_," before storming to her room and slamming the door behind her.

Now, much later, Shinji replayed the kiss that he had shared with Asuka over and over in his mind

It was not a _good _kiss, by any standard – even Shinji was astute enough to realize that – but it was _something_. He had kissed a girl, something he knew that most of his friends could not claim – and it had been with _Asuka_, who was easily one of the most desirable girls in his school, despite her acerbic personality. So what if it had been kind of… weird? So _what_ if he had spent most of his time just standing there, hoping desperately for a chance to take some oxygen into his burning lungs, while Asuka seemed to be trying to chew on his lips while simultaneously attempting to drive her tongue as far down his throat as possible?

He could not honestly say that it had been a _pleasant_ experience, but it _was_ experience nonetheless. He wasn't exactly sure though whether or not he had learned anything useful from the encounter, and he hoped that the next time this happened, it might not be so… _violent._

Shinji sighed, and turned to face the clock by his bed. It was 1:44 AM. He tossed and turned for a few more minutes, but sleep still refused to come to him as he continued to mull over the kiss.

_Should I have __tried doing the same stuff to her that she was doing to me? _he mused, recalling his earlier indecision in the midst of the moment.

_Maybe it would have been better if I had. __Asuka seemed to enjoy what she was doing…_

_But… I didn't really enjoy it. _

_It felt__ like… like she was trying too hard._

_Asuka__ always acts like she knows what she's doing, but I don't think she really knows anything at all about this…_

His thoughts were broken by the sound of Misato's door opening, and the unsteady shuffling of her footfalls as she stumbled to the bathroom. Minutes later, he heard the toilet flush, and the sound of the bathroom's screen door being pulled aside. Shinji strained to hear as Misato seemed to walk straight past her bedroom and into the living room, and he heard the dull _thump _of a body flopping onto the living room couch.

_She didn't make it back to bed, _Shinji thought.

_Kaji told me to__ take care of her… _

_Maybe I should try to get her back to her room…_

The concerned teen rose from his bed, reached for a T-shirt and pulled it on, and rubbed at his eyes before rising and pulling aside the door to his room. The apartment was dark, the only sound coming from the living room, where the still-inebriated Misato seemed to be panting as she lay on the couch, the uneven huffing of her breath the only way that Shinji could tell exactly where she was.

Shinji crept out of his room and into the living area, squinting to try and make out Misato's form in the gloom. He did not want to turn the lights on, in case it disturbed Misato, but he also realized it might be difficult to get her back into her room if the apartment was this dark.

He ventured into the living room, barely able to make out Misato's body sprawled on the couch. "Misato…?" he whispered tentatively, half hoping that she was asleep.

She wasn't. Her voice came in a throaty slur through the darkness which permeated the apartment. "…Kaji?" she murmured.

Shinji's eyebrows shot up. "Uh, no, it's Shi…"

She cut him off with a pronounced, "Shhhhh… _quiet_, you'll wake th' kids!" Shinji froze, not daring to say another word, as the woman on the couch spoke again. "Hey, you… c'mere, I wanna… I wanna talk t' you."

Not knowing what else to do, Shinji moved across the living room floor, making his way over to the couch where Misato lay. As he approached her, squinting in the dark, he caught his breath as he realized that somewhere over the course of the evening, Misato had discarded her dress, and she was now lying on the couch in only her bra and panties.

As he stood over her, thankful that the darkness prevented him from seeing the full scope of her nudity, he froze as Misato turned and gazed up at him, smiling.

"Hey… I jus'… I jus' wanted t' tell you somethin'," she mumbled, her eyes wide but seeing nothing.

Shinji swallowed hard. "M… Misato," he stammered, "I… I'm not…"

"_Shhhhhhhh_," she cut him off again, bringing a finger unsteadily to her lips. "You… _don't_ speak, okay? _I'm_ th' one… th' one doing th' talking. _You_ speak…. I _listen_. Got it?"

Shinji nodded mutely, although he was genuinely, and rightfully, confused.

"'kay," Misato continued. "Now _listen_, 'cause I've wanted t' say this t' you for a _loooong_ time. Come _closer, _willya? I can't _talk_ t' you when you're 'way up _there_."

Shinji began to panic as he considered Misato's request. _Just what the hell do I do now? _he thought to himself. _She thinks I'm Kaji!_

_Well, I guess there's no harm in it, as long as I can get her back __into bed…_

He moved closer to the couch, and knelt down so that he was almost level with Misato's head. The lavender-haired woman smiled at him, still completely unaware who it was she was talking to.

"Kaji… all I want to say is… I'm _sorry_. I'm sorry I _lied_ to you, I'm sorry I put you through so much _trouble_, an'… I'm sorry I… _hurt_ you. It's all… my fault. You were _always_ so good t' me, an' I guess… I guess I jus' got _scared_. You're _sooooo_ much like my father, an' I jus' got so _scared_ that I was going to end up with somebody who was _exactly_ like someone tha' I thought I _hated_. But I don't hate you, Kaji… I've _never _hated you, no matter what I might have said. In fact… I still… I _love_ you, Kaji."

Shinji was absolutely dumbstruck at Misato's words. He suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable, as if he had walked in on an intimate conversation between two people – and in a way, he had.

He was completely unprepared for what happened next.

Without warning, Misato suddenly reached out a hand and wrapped it around the back of Shinji's head. Before he could react, Misato guided his head down to hers, and the next thing he knew, she was kissing him.

The Third Child's head swam as Misato's mouth lightly brushed his at first, and then, she parted her lips softly and pressed them fully against his. His eyes shot open and his whole body shuddered as she turned her head slightly in order to cover his mouth more completely. His senses suddenly seemed a thousand times more acute, particularly his sense of smell - and he had to admit that Misato did not smell very good at all. The light, lingering scent of her lavender perfume was still present, but it was mixed with the smell of sweat, alcohol, cigarette smoke, and an odour that he was reasonably sure was vomit. All of this, though, took a back seat to the electric sensation of her lips against his. Unlike Asuka, Misato was an expert kisser, and even as drunk as she was, she still knew how to give a kiss – it was almost instinctual to her.

Compared to Asuka's aggressive approach, Misato's technique was far more passive, and infinitely more effective. She subtly pursed her lips, making them as soft as possible, and gently caressed Shinji's mouth with hers, keeping enough pressure to maintain an intimate connection, but not so much as to physically overwhelm him. The sensation was tantalizing, and Shinji momentarily forgot himself as he unconsciously pressed his mouth harder against hers. In response, Misato's lips parted slowly, gently, and this time, it was Shinji's tongue that tentatively moved forward to probe the inside of Misato's mouth. Sighing, his guardian's lips opened wider, and the hair on the back of Shinji's neck jumped as her tongue made contact with his. For almost a full minute this went on, Misato's hand firmly on the back of Shinji's neck as their lips caressed each other and their tongues danced between them.

And then, everything came crashing back to Earth for Shinji when Misato finally broke the kiss, and pulled him close to her, whispering in his ear, "I love you, Ryouji…. I love you so much…"

Her words hit him like a slap in the face. As his sense and sensibilities suddenly rushed back, Shinji felt a deep wave of shame wash over him.

_That kiss… __that was… amazing – but it wasn't meant for me, _he thought with embarrassment, as Misato's head nestled against the nape of his neck.

_I shouldn't be doing this…_

As he lay there awkwardly in Misato's embrace, he stiffened as he felt her hand brush clumsily across his cheek. Chuckling softly, she murmured, "So… y' finally got rid of that _awful_ stubble…" She clutched him to her tighter, and he heard her whisper again, "Ryouji… I love you…" before her grip began to slacken, and her arms eventually fell away from him.

Slowly, he sat back away from the couch, as he realized that Misato had passed out.

For long minutes, he sat on the floor of the living room, gazing at his unconscious guardian with a mix of guilt and pity. Eventually, he rose and made his way silently to Misato's bedroom, where he scooped up the duvet from her futon and brought it out to the living room. Smiling weakly, he draped the comforter over Misato's prone form, tucking the edges around her neck and shoulders. He stood without a sound and regarded his sleeping guardian warily for a few moments, before he turned and slowly made his way back to his own room.

Behind him, Misato shifted underneath her down duvet, and sighed contentedly in her sleep.

xxxxx

Still later, Shinji was back in his own bed again, but as much as he tried, sleep still eluded to the troubled teen. His thoughts were a complete riot as he tossed and turned, unable to put the kiss with Misato out of his head.

_She's going to kill __me_, Shinji thought nervously, his wide eyes fixed on the door of his room as if he expected a furious Misato to burst through it at any moment.

_She is going to wake up, grab__ her gun, and SHOOT me!_

_She was so drunk though…__ she probably won't remember a thing… at least, I hope not…_

His eyes narrowed in thought as he ran his hand across his lips, recalling the sensation of Misato's mouth on his. Compared to Asuka's clumsy attempt, the kiss he had shared with Misato was spectacular, but the more he thought about it, the more he decided that he hadn't really enjoyed it any more than he had with Asuka. The physical sensations were incredible – Shinji had never felt anything like it, and her touch had set off reactions all through his body. But despite this, everything just seemed… _wrong._

_I completely took advantage of her, _he thought miserably.

_I could have stopped her. I could have pulled away. _

_I SHOULD have._

_B__ut I didn't._

_And it's not like I ever really think about Misato like… that… so what WAS I thinking?_

_God, __I feel like a total lowlife…_

He rolled over in bed again, glancing at the clock on his bedside table, which now read 2:50 AM. He groaned dejectedly, and flopped onto his back, staring up at the dark ceiling above him.

_She didn't really want to kiss me __anyway_, he mused.

_S__he thought she was with Kaji._

_She said she loved him._

_Is that what a kiss is supposed to be like, when somebody loves you?_

Shinji suddenly felt incredibly depressed, as he recalled the sensations that had ran through him when Misato had kissed him. Would any girl ever love him enough to kiss _him_ like that? What if that never happened for him? After all, he had only ever felt rejection and abandonment from the people in his life who supposedly loved him – what if that never changed?

What if his kiss with Misato was the closest he ever got to such a feeling?

He was wide awake, his thoughts were a tempest, and he couldn't bear to just lie in bed and wait for sleep. He needed to get out, to get some air, to somehow try to put his mind at ease. Rising from his bed, Shinji pulled on the school clothes he had laid out for the morning, silently slid the door to his room aside, and crept out into the apartment, taking care not to wake Misato. He pulled out a light jacket from the hall closet before he turned the knob to the front door as quietly as he could, slipped out into the outside walkway, and closed the door behind him with a soft _click._

He walked aimlessly through the streets of Tokyo-3, not paying any attention to which way he was going, his hands jammed in the pockets of his windbreaker as his mind continued to turn over and over the events of the last day. Seeing his mother's grave, seeing his father, and now this terrible situation with Asuka and Misato – it had not been a good day at all.

Nothing had been resolved between him and his father. Asuka surely hated him now more than ever – he was certain that she would take every opportunity at school to tell the entire student body what a terrible kisser he was, and would probably even try to make it out so that it was _his_ idea, not hers. And Misato…

Shinji thought glumly that it maybe would be best if she _did _kill him, because he wasn't sure he could live with the shame and guilt that would surely exist between the two of them now.

After a while, he found himself following a bicycle path that ran along the shore of Lake Ashinoko – the real one, not the man-made second Ashinoko that had been created during an N² mine strike on the third Angel, months before. He proceeded along the path until he came to a small green belt, where a collection of park benches were arranged beneath several tall statues of angels that looked out over the water. A brilliant full moon hung high in the sky, its reflection rippling on the lake's calm surface, and Shinji paused for a moment to take in the view – and he caught his breath at a most unexpected sight.

On a solitary park bench close to the water, directly beneath one of the looming stone angels, sat a pale, slender girl with a conspicuous mop of blue hair.

_Rei?_ Shinji thought in astonishment, wiping at his eyes in case they were playing some sort of trick on him. He glanced at his watch and saw that it was now half-past three in the morning.

_What's she doing out here __all by herself, at this time of night?_

Concerned, he stepped off of the bicycle path and onto the grass, and made his way across the small park to where Rei Ayanami sat alone. She was dressed, as always, in her school uniform, and her briefcase rested against the bench's legs on the ground. As he drew closer to her, Shinji saw that the girl's eyes were closed, and she sat very still.

_Is she sick?_ Shinji wondered, suddenly alarmed.

_Or maybe… is she sleepwalking?_

Shinji had heard that it was dangerous to wake a sleepwalking person, and the last thing he wanted to do was to put Rei in danger.

_But she's dressed… and she has her briefcase with her, _he noted, as he continued to approach the silent First Child.

_She's not sleepwalking__, then. She came here on purpose._

_I wonder what's wrong?_

He was now standing beside the bench, looking down at the blue-haired girl. Strangely, Rei did not react to his presence at all – her eyes were still closed, and she did not so much as turn her head in Shinji's direction.

Shinji remained there for long moments, feeling very awkward. Either Rei had not heard him approach, which seemed unlikely, or she was ignoring him, which seemed unlike _her_. As distant as Rei could seem at times, she was not rude, and she would always acknowledge Shinji with _some_ sort of greeting whenever they met, even if it was nothing more than a simple, "Ikari."

Finally, his curiosity got the better of him, and he managed to work up the nerve to speak to her.

"Ayanami… what… what are you doing here?" he stammered.

She did not reply, but instead held up a hand, gesturing to him for silence. Shinji froze in place, alarmed and unsure of what to do, but after a few moments, Rei gestured again, motioning for him to take a seat beside her on the bench. Warily, Shinji slowly stepped forward, keeping his eyes on Rei the whole time, and sat down gingerly beside her, confusion playing across his face.

"Listen," she whispered. She kept her eyes tightly closed, and she seemed to be concentrating intently on something.

Shinji closed his eyes and concentrated as well, although he wasn't exactly sure what it was he was concentrating _on_. Nearly a full minute went by before his eyebrows raised in surprise as a long, plaintive call echoed across the lake. It was obviously from some kind of bird, but it was a birdcall unlike any that Shinji had ever heard before. A few seconds later, it came again, the oddly forlorn sound sending a small shiver down his back.

"What _is _that?" he asked under his breath, his curiosity piqued.

"I believe it is a common loon," Rei replied quietly.

"What… what's a _loon_?"

"It is a species of freshwater fowl," she answered, her voice barely above a whisper. "They are not native to Japan, they are normally found mostly in Canada and the northern United States. Their migratory paths must have been altered by post-Second Impact weather patterns, and it seems they are now finding their way to this country."

"It's… beautiful," Shinji whispered thoughtfully, as the loon's keening call pealed across the water once more. "I've never heard anything like it. It sounds so _sad_… and _lonely_, like… like it _misses_ somebody."

"That is not possible," Rei replied. "Birds do not have emotions."

Shinji turned to face her, one eyebrow slightly arched. "How can you know that for sure, Ayanami?"

"I have read about them. None if the information in our textbooks indicates that birds are capable of emotional interactions."

Shinji could not suppress the small smile that crept across his mouth. "Uh, well, I can introduce you to a certain domesticated penguin that would blow a _big_ hole in that theory. Pen Pen has _lots_ of emotions – he's cranky, greedy, obnoxious, he's a huge suck-up when Misato's around…"

"I have been introduced to… Pen Pen already," Rei answered, quite unnecessarily, as Shinji knew that she had met the penguin several times. "He is an anomaly, a genetically engineered being, not a wild animal. His particular behaviors are not the norm for avians."

Shinji recognized that Rei had a point, but he was not ready to concede the argument. "Okay then," he continued, after a moment's thought, "what about… lovebirds? They're always in pairs, and always cuddling each other, so they must have emotions, right?"

"That is not emotion, it is instinct," Rei answered immediately, "nothing more than an ingrained urge to find a mate in order to ensure the continuation of their species."

The loon called out across the lake once again. Shinji sighed, wondering if Rei could make any topic sound as clinical and academic as this one.

"Well, I _still _think it sounds lonely," he finally mused, before adding with a grin, "I think… maybe it's lost. Maybe it misses its friends in Canada, and wants to go home."

"Birds cannot make friends, Ikari," Rei replied, seeming quite certain of the fact as she turned her ruby eyes back to the lake.

Shinji rolled his eyes in exasperation. It appeared to the teen that their conversation had reached an impasse, and he frowned as he searched his exhausted mind for something else to talk about.

The two Children sat in silence for long moments as they stared out across the moon-dappled water, Shinji continuing to ponder over the blue-haired girl's presence in the park, while Rei seemed content to wait patiently for the next call of the loon.

Eventually, Shinji stole a furtive look through his brown forelocks at the First Child as she gazed out across the lake. Lit by nothing but the moonlight, Rei's pale skin appeared almost translucent, and she seemed to be outlined by a soft, almost angelic-seeming glow against the surrounding darkness. The moonlight also accented the light blueish tones of her hair, making it seem even more otherworldly than usual. As a gentle breeze from across the water brushed her bangs aside, revealing her high, alabaster brow, Shinji was struck by how intensely red the irises of her eyes were, as if they were somehow lit from within, rather than from the light from the moon overhead.

It seemed to Shinji as if every coherent thought he'd had up to that moment had been somehow sucked out of his brain, as he stared, captivated, at the silent girl.

_This is… weird,_ he thought, shifting awkwardly in place on the bench. _I can't just sit here and not say anything… but I can't just get up and leave, either…_

_I should say something… anything… but what?_

Another breeze fluttered Rei's bangs once again, and this time, she raised a hand and absently brushed her hair out of her eyes. The innocent motion took only seconds, but to Shinji, it seemed to stretch on and on for minutes.

_She's…_

_I never really thought about it before, but… Rei's so…_

…_pretty…_

As the confounded teen struggled mightily for another topic of conversation, Rei suddenly turned back to him, regarding the Third Child with a querying look.

"Ikari… why are you here?" she asked flatly. She seemed unconcerned that Shinji had suddenly turned bright red and appeared to be having trouble breathing.

_Why__ AM I here?_ he thought desperately.

_Wait…__ didn't I ask her that first?_

_Oh yeah, she came all the way down here at three in the morning to listen to some stupid bird! Of course!_

_So… what's my excuse, then?_

Shinji licked his lips nervously, staring at the ground in front of the bench as he struggled to answer Rei's question. He had no desire to lie to her, but at the same time, he wasn't entirely sure how to put his experiences into words.

"Well… um," he began, "I've had… kind of a weird night, and I just had to get out of the house for awhile, I guess." He turned back to Rei, and was surprised to see that that girl was studying him intently.

_It's like she's looking right through me, _he thought. The First Child said nothing, but it seemed to Shinji that she was definitely expecting a more detailed explanation.

"Um," he continued hesitantly, not really wishing to say anything more, but feeling almost compelled to under Rei's crimson gaze, "some… well, some _stuff _happened tonight, with Asuka, and… and Misato too…" Shinji's voice trailed off, his discomfort clearly broadcasting from his features, and his deepest hope at that moment was that Rei would lose interest in the conversation and turn her attention back to the loon calling in the darkness.

His hopes were abruptly dashed.

"Stuff?" the blue-haired girl replied, mouthing the word as if she had never uttered it before in her life.

Shinji sighed, and dropped his gaze once again. There was no getting around the issue, he supposed. And for some reason, even though it wouldn't have been unreasonable for him to simply make an excuse and avoid discussing the matter with her, the thought of deliberately misleading Rei seemed somehow… _wrong_ to him.

"Okay," he continued, taking a deep breath, "Asuka and I… well, I was studying, and Asuka asked me if I wanted to _kiss_ her… and I wasn't _going_ to, at first… but she kept _bugging_ me, so I said I _would_, but I didn't _want _to, and I didn't think _she_ really wanted to either, I thought she was just trying to _bother_ me, but she said _"okay"_, and I _still _didn't want to kiss her, not _really, _but I didn't want to chicken out _either_, because that would have just made things _worse, _and so… finally… we _did_."

The sentence came out in a hurried rush, as if a dam had suddenly burst. Shinji was aware of the heat radiating from his flushed face as his wide gray eyes bored a hole into the grass between his feet.

After a short pause, Rei's quiet voice broke the silence. "I see," she murmured slowly. "And I assume then that afterward, you had a similar encounter with Major Katsuragi."

Something in the girl's voice caught Shinji's attention. She spoke in the same flat monotone that he was accustomed to hearing, but it was lower, and softer, and seemed almost… _wistful_ to the Third Child.

_Is she__… upset?_ Shinji wondered to himself.

Had he found the courage to glance up at Rei at that moment, he might have noticed the tiny crinkle that had appeared over the bridge of her nose.

"Uh, well… yeah," he went on, "Asuka was really mad at me, and then Kaji dropped off Misato – they'd been out drinking all night – and she sort of passed out on the couch, so I went into the living room to check on her – it was late, and _really_ dark – and she started talking to me… and then – I'm _still _not really sure how this happened, but… we, uh, sort of started kissing, too."

"Mm," was the blue-haired girl's only reply. A long, awkward silence settled over the two Children as Rei turned away to gaze once more across the glittering waters.

Shinji looked sidelong at the quiet girl, trying desperately to read her reaction. He had a definite feeling that something was not right with the First Child.

_I feel like… __like I've offended her somehow, _he thought, as the sick feeling of shame began to twist his insides once again.

_I guess I really am a lowlife…_

"I'm sorry… I should go," he mumbled miserably, as he began to rise from the bench, "Sorry I disturbed you, Ayana…"

His voice fell away as he turned to face the blue-haired girl, and he froze as her intense crimson eyes locked with his. Rei had turned herself on the bench in order to face him more fully, and the expression on her face was one that Shinji had never before seen from the normally impassive First Child - curiosity.

"I'm not sure I understand," she stated, "what motivated you to kiss Pilot Souryu and Major Katsuragi?"

Shinji could only stare back mutely at her for several seconds as the simple question impacted his reasoning. Eventually, he realized he was holding his breath, and let it out in a long sigh as he slumped back onto the bench. Rei waited patiently as Shinji ran his fingers through his brown hair, searching his frazzled brain for the answer to her query.

"I… don't really know, Ayanami," he finally ventured. "I can't… I mean, it's just that it wasn't really _me_ who started it, either time. I don't really know how it actually happened, and I'm still pretty confused about the whole thing, but it was definitely Asuka and Misato who made the first moves – not me."

Rei tilted her head slightly at this. "In that case, what would motivate Pilot Souryu and Major Katsuragi to kiss you?"

Shinji visibly deflated at the remark. _Sure, Rei, why would anyone want to kiss me?_ he thought glumly.

_Hey, I know I'm no prize, but come on…_

"I am sorry," the girl immediately offered, noting his reaction to her question without registering the reason behind it. "I wish only to understand what happened."

The look of hurt on Shinji's face faded somewhat at this. He wasn't really sure why Rei seemed so interested in his experiences, but it felt… _good_ that he at least had someone to talk to, after everything he'd been through that evening.

"Well… Asuka said she wanted to because she had nothing else to do," he began hesitantly, "and Misato… well, she had a _lot_ to drink, and she… well, she actually thought that I was somebody else. I'm sure she probably won't even remember that anything happened when she wakes up."

The tiny crinkle above Rei's nose returned. "So… people kiss when they are bored, or when they are inebriated?"

Shinji was momentarily taken aback. "Erm… well, I guess they _do, _sometimes, but… that's not really the _point_ of it."

"Of course," the girl replied, "kissing is an activity that two people engage in as a prelude to sexual intercourse."

The Third Child's jaw dropped at the remark.

"Uh… well," he stammered, suddenly feeling the burn creeping across his face once again, "that's… that's _also_ true, sometimes… but _that's_ not really the point either."

Despite his discomfort at the direction the conversation was taking, Shinji couldn't help but be fascinated by the subtle flickering of expressions that crossed Rei's face as she struggled to grasp the topic.

"I… do not see the point then, Ikari," she finally murmured, genuinely perplexed. "I have never experienced… kissing, myself, or seen others perform the act, except on television and in movies… and in those cases, kissing almost always leads to intercourse. I thought it reasonable to assume that it was merely a part of the human mating ritual."

"Actually, I think that flowers and dinner usually come first," Shinji replied with a weak grin, which evaporated almost instantly when his remark was greeted with blank silence from the First Child.

_Okay, bad time for a joke,_ he thought.

"Look, Ayanami," he ventured, pausing briefly to collect his thoughts, "people kiss for all _kinds_ of reasons. Sure, they can do it when they're bored, or drunk, or when they want to have… _sex_, but it's a lot more complicated than that."

Rei watched him intently as he paused again, searching for the right words to explain something to her that he barely understood himself.

"There's lots of _reasons_ that people kiss, and lots of _ways_ to kiss, too, and _none_ of them are the same," he continued. "The way a mother kisses her child is _very_ different than the way two friends might kiss each other, or a couple who are dating would. Sometimes, you might kiss someone to comfort them, if they've hurt themselves, or if they're sick, or sad, or even _happy_, or... if you're in _love_ with them..."

Shinji voice trailed off as he ran his fingers slowly across his lips, recalling again the sensation of Misato's mouth on his.

_Ryouji… I love you…_

"They're all different," he murmured quietly, "and they all _feel_ different, too."

A long silence settled over the two Children once again, which was eventually broken by the loon's melancholy cries. Shinji turned to face Rei, who was now staring up at the massive stone angel that loomed over them, her light blue brows knit in thought.

"I'm sorry, Ayanami – I guess I'm not explaining this very well," he offered apologetically, "I'm afraid I really don't know very much about… things like this."

"Yes… it is difficult," the girl replied, her voice barely above a whisper. "Perhaps… it would be easier to understand if you would… demonstrate."

This last word inexplicably sent Shinji into a coughing fit which lasted for several seconds. Sputtering through the hand which he had quickly clamped over his mouth, he fought to regain control of himself as he stared, wide-eyed and stunned, at the First Child.

"Y… you… want me to… to d-d-_demonstrate?!?" _he stammered, unable to believe his own ears. "How… how would that _help?"_

Rei regarded him calmly, as if they were discussing ideas for a science project at school. "I have no personal knowledge of this subject, nor can I find any reliable sources for study," she posited. "You, however, have engaged in kissing twice, and although you cannot explain the act adequately, you are nevertheless experienced, and should be able to give a suitable demonstration."

Things seemed to be going from bad to worse for the Third Child. Shinji felt utterly trapped. More than anything, he wanted to run – _I mustn't run away_ – but he didn't seem to be able to tell his legs how to work as he gaped mutely at the blue-haired girl. The flight instinct, though, was warring with another impulse that was stirring within him – one that he couldn't immediately recognize, but the turmoil it was causing deep within his soul kept him rooted to the spot as he struggled to respond to her request.

"I can't… I mean… _WHAT?!?" _he finally managed. "Ayanami… I'm… I'm _not_ "experienced!" I've only done it twice! And I… I didn't even know what I was doing when I was _doing _it!"

"You are still acquainted with the physical actions involved in the act," Rei replied, making the "act" sound as if it came complete with a technical manual. "That is all that I require in order to draw my own conclusions."

She rose quietly from the bench, and stood before Shinji, who shifted and fidgeted for long moments before he finally glanced up uncertainly at the girl. Rei said nothing, but merely waited patiently as her crimson eyes searched his face. Above her, the brilliant moon was partially eclipsed by the light blue crown of her hair, creating a soft white corona all around her head which was broken only by the overarching wings of the marble angel. Shinji was utterly speechless in the face of the breathtaking image before him.

"Please, Ikari, "she whispered, breaking a silence that seemed to last an eternity. "I wish to understand."

_I love you, Ryouji… _

In the distance, the loon's mournful cries echoed across the lake once more.

_I love you so much…_

Before he knew what was happening, he was on his feet, gazing into her fathomless ruby-coloured eyes.

_I never __really thought about it before…_

Tentatively, he reached out and placed his shaking hands on her fragile shoulders. Her expression did not change, but her eyes continued to study him closely as he inched toward her.

…_but Rei's so…_

He leaned forward slightly, inclining his head to the left. There was a pause, and then Rei followed his action, tilting her head and moving closer until they could each feel the other's soft breath against their cheeks.

_...pretty…_

It was not aggressive, hard and hungry, and overwhelming, like it had been with Asuka.

It was not accomplished, soft and sensual, and tantalizing, like it had been with Misato.

It was awkward, hesitant and halting, and very, very brief.

It was very much like a typical first kiss might happen between two young people.

And to Shinji, it was the longest seven seconds of his life.

_It's… different, _was the only recognizable thought that ran through his head as his lips gently brushed against Rei's.

It was as if everything surrounding him in that briefest of moments – the park, the bench, the stone angel, the moon overhead, the loon in the darkness – had vanished. All that existed to Shinji was a sudden rush of pure sensation, the information coming at him almost too quickly for him to comprehend.

First, there was her scent – Shinji recognized the the smell of the generic soap from the dispensers in the pilots' locker room shower, mixed with a faint, lingering trace of LCL. Then, there was an almost neutral taste, with just a hint of toothpaste – wherever she'd been recently, she'd showered and brushed her teeth. He was aware of the crisp feel of her cotton school shirt under his trembling hands, the warmth of her cheek against his, the gentle sensation of the breath from her nose against his skin, and the impossible softness of her mouth as it barely made contact with his own. And the only sound that he could hear as he gently moved his lips against hers was that of his own blood, rushing at a breakneck pace through the vessels in his brain as his heart threatened to pound its way out of his chest.

It was nothing like the other times.

It was like nothing he had ever experienced before.

_It feels__… so different…_

And then it was over.

Shinji opened his eyes to find Rei still staring her flat ruby stare at him, her face as solemn and expressionless as ever, even as their mouths continued to meet. Shocked, he quickly drew back, holding the girl at arm's length for several seconds, their eyes locked on each other, before he let his arms fall limply to his sides. The Third Child suddenly felt extremely self-conscious under the weight of her gaze as he braced himself for her reaction to the kiss.

_Were her eyes open the whole time? _he thought apprehensively. There was no way that he could tell for sure, as his own eyes had been closed.

_Was she… watching me?_

He was sure he had just made an incredible fool of himself – again. He knew that Asuka would ridicule him endlessly after their kiss, Misato would most likely shoot him on sight if she remembered anything about their encounter, but Rei…

For some reason, Shinji dreaded Rei's response more than Asuka's and Misato's combined.

He was dumbfounded when, after a long pause, the blue-haired girl merely gave him a slight nod, her expression unchanging.

"Thank you, Ikari," was her only comment.

The two continued to gaze at each other in silence until Shinji could finally take it no longer.

"It… it's _really _late, I gotta… I gotta go," he stammered, "I'm sorry… I'm _really_ sorry, Ayanami... um, I'm going to… okay, uh… I'm leaving now… 'bye."

Rei watched as the mortified boy abruptly turned and made his way hurriedly across the grass toward the bicycle path, eventually crossing out of the reach of the streetlights and disappearing into the darkness.

She stood there alone for several minutes, looking into the black night in the direction that the boy had gone, her brow furrowed in thought. Eventually, she raised a slender arm and drew her fingers lightly across her lips, her eyes widening slightly as she replayed the encounter with Ikari over and over again in her mind.

It had been a long night, and Rei was tired. The tests she had performed for the dummy plug system earlier that night had been tedious, and exhausting, and had lasted until early in the morning. By now, she would normally have been in her bed sleeping, had she had not been strangely drawn to the lake by the loon's call as she walked home from NERV. She could not explain what had attracted her to the bird's cries, but something about the sound had taken hold of her, and she was unsure how long she had sat by the lake and listened – hours perhaps – before Ikari had arrived.

Then he had told her of his experiences with Pilot Souryu and Major Katsuragi, and she had been unprepared for the turmoil his words had caused within her. While he spoke, she had felt an uncomfortable irritation building in the pit of her stomach, and while the topic of kissing interested her from a purely sociological perspective, for some reason she had also wished – irrationally – that Ikari would just stop talking.

Most curious of all had been her sudden urge to experience kissing herself. It was not a matter of great import to her – knowledge of such things had no bearing at all on her responsibilities to the Commander and the EVA project – but after Ikari's description of his encounters with the Second and the Major, it had suddenly seemed _necessary_ to experience this herself… and to experience it with _him._

Her evening had begun with questions, and would end with even more, it seemed.

With a small sigh, she reached down and picked up her briefcase, and turned to make her way back across the park toward her apartment. Before she could take more than a few steps, the loon's mournful cry echoed across the water once more. Stopping in her tracks, she glanced back toward the lake, a thoughtful expression on her face.

_It sounds so sad… and lonely… like it misses somebod__y,_ Ikari had said.

"Birds do not have emotions," she repeated to herself, but this time, the words had a hollow ring to them.

_How can you know that for sure, Ayanami?_

Slowly, Rei brought her free hand to her face and touched her lips once more, as a glimmer of understanding suddenly sparkled in her thoughts.

"Goodbye," she whispered, gazing over her shoulder toward the plaintive sound of the loon in the darkness.

"I… hope you find your friends."

xxxxx

Author's notes: This story was originally conceived as a Valentine's Day one-shot, but I didn't manage to complete it by the 14th of February, so it sat half-finished for awhile until Hamstadini invited me to contribute something for Studio 402's "Sixteen Aspects of Rei and Shinji" project. Studio 402 is a writer's collective formed by the fine people at "The Tales of Apartment 402," many of whom also have excellent fics hosted here under their own handles as well. Anyway, with a little retooling, my little bit of Valentine fluff now appears in its present form, and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it.

Cheers,

IO


	4. The Horror Aspect: Meat

**A/N: **Hamstadini originally had this idea. Sideris originally had the Horror Aspect. I stole both. Draw your own conclusions.

**The Horror Aspect: Meat**  
_By DarckRedd_

Shinji did not know how it had begun. His lips were pressed to Rei's, kissing frantically. He was lost in her embrace, the warmth of her arms around his neck, the growing hardness in his loins. The world was flickering around him, there was a strange buzzing in his ears.

Suddenly, with the instinctual urge of a half-mad animal, he broke free of her lips and sunk his teeth into her shoulder. Rei's body went rigid in her arms. Her blood tasted sweet in his mouth, sweeter than anything else he had ever tasted. Some small part of him screamed for it to stop, revolting against this act of violence.

Suddenly, Shinji realized what he was doing. He released the girl, the only one he had ever loved, and she slumped against him, breathing ragged. The horrified boy picked up her fragile frame – so light, so weak – and deposited it on the bed, his eyes wide with terror. As she lay there, he hurried over to the bathroom and located a first aid kit. Using what little knowledge he had gained in school, he disinfected the wound and tried to bandage it.

Suddenly, a sense of disgust and self-loathing grasped him. He looked at his shirt, stained red, and he thought of the monstrous cannibal urge. Then, he did something he'd later regret: he ran away.

-

He was far away, in a distant city. He'd taken the monorail as far as it went, to some place that he did not know the name. He still could taste the blood on his lips, Rei's sweet blood… how could he even look his friends in the face after such a deed?!

He was in a motel, supporting himself with the meager savings that he had extracted from Misato's then-empty apartment. It was three days ago that he had sinned so grievously against Rei's trust, given to him in love. He was lying on the bed, the only one in his barren room, trying to understand what had happened.

It was not even something he could control… perhaps he was simply mad, his fragile psyche stretched thin by his imprisonment inside of Leliel. Or, perhaps, he was simply the hedonistic lowlife he had always thought himself to be, and that his… cannibalism was simply another manifestation of the fact that he was a horrible human being.

He rolled over on his side. What had he done?

As he lay there, the phone suddenly rang. He turned and looked at it. It rang once more, loud and brazen. Shinji looked at it – it was an old cordless phone, perhaps considered in-date in 1985 – before reaching over and grabbing it.

"Hello?" he whispered.

"Shinji," a gruff, masculine voice said. The boy's eyes widened. It was his father, the iron-willed and heartless Gendo Ikari.

"Father?!"

"I want you to come back."

"But… I killed Rei!"

"You did not kill her. In fact, you tended to her injury quite well."

"But-"

"It is of no relevance. If you come back, all will be forgotten. This matter has been covered up, and your absence has been explained by a brief illness and treatment at a specialized hospital in Okinawa. All you need do is tell me your location."

Shinji hesitated. It could be a trap… but…

"I'm at this hotel in Osaka," began Shinji.

-

When he returned to Tokyo-3, the air was strangely oppressive. His reunion with Asuka and Misato was as warm as could be expected; even Asuka was slightly less disdainful of him than usual. Misato threw a party for him and everyone came, except for Rei and his father.

There was not a single mention of his 'illness.'

His own guilt led to a perception of surrealism; everyone was laughing and partying when they should have been looking down with shock and horror. But Shinji choked it back and tried act as though nothing was wrong.

The next day, he began to think about apologizing to Ayanami. But how was he to do that? How to you make amends with someone you betrayed when they put their utmost trust in you? He was contemplating this question when his two friends, Toji and Kensuke, confronted him.

"Well?" they asked, in unison.

Shinji stared at them. "What?"

"What's Okinawa like?"

There was a silence. "Uh… nice, I guess."

"Were there geisha?" asked Kensuke, excitedly.

"Well… I spent most of my time in a hospital room…"

They both looked disappointed.

"But… I'm sure they were there," added Shinji, hurriedly.

The three set off towards school. "So what happened?" asked Toji, gruffly.

"Uh… Eva-stuff," offered Shinji.

"Really? Like what?!" asked Kensuke, excitedly.

"I don't think I'm supposed to talk about it…"

Shinji continued this rhetorical maneuvering all the way to school.

-

Rei had a bandage wound around her shoulder, but otherwise seemed unhurt. She stared out the window the same way she always had – she answered questions coldly and with total accuracy, like she always had – there was no indication that there was anything afoul. She was frequently injured in the line of duty, so no one asked questions of her.

But Shinji could not ward off a crawling sense of sickness, guilt, and desire. He still wanted her under him, with him, encompassing him: a desire for sexual and spiritual fulfillment all in one. But he felt as though he deserved none of it; his sin was terrible.

After class, he resolved to apologize to Rei, to start again. Even he thought this was foolish… he had nearly killed her! But his conscience would give him no rest, and so, after school, he want to join Rei on her walk home.

"Ayanami?"

"Ikari."

"Look… Rei… I'm really sorry…"

The First did not reply.

"I'm not sure what happened…"

More silence.

"Look, how can I make it up to you?"

Rei seemed contemplative. "You do not seem to understand, Ikari… what you did… made me feel _good._"

Shock coursed through Shinji's veins.

"I want you to do it again, Ikari-kun…"

_No… this isn't right… this is __**sick**__…_ Shinji's mind whirled around in his head.

"I know that such a thing is counterintuitive, but do believe me… I enjoyed the rush of agony in my shoulder… I enjoyed the feeling of warm blood on my skin… and I loved _you_, Ikari-kun…"

The hunger was rising in him…

xxxxx


	5. The Angst Aspect: Silent Witness

I started this project for studio402, and it might be put up as a story for studio402 in the future, but I'm not getting a response from any of the members right now so I thought I'd put it up under my own account since, well, this is my story. Anyway I hope you'll enjoy it and would like to get some feedback so tell me what you think, don't be shy! This story starts where EOE left off so knowledge of the movie is a pro.

Studio 402 note - finally added to the "Aspects" project by IO, 'cause it's his fault it took so long to appear here. Sorry, Storm...

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion, its' characters nor am I affiliated with Gainax and their products in any way.

_**The Angst Aspect - Silent Witness**_

by T. Storm

He staggered through the ruins, wondering what had caused the utter destruction of the city around him. He couldn't remember a thing, all he had was a nagging feeling at the back of his mind, like an itch he couldn't quite reach. He didn't know, so he just kept on moving. He didn't know where, he just moved, to stay warm, to feel like he was making progress, to feel anything else than the struggle in his mind, fighting to remember what was going on. He'd left the girl with fiery red hair on the beach. It seemed so cruel to do that, but all he knew was that he did not wish to stay. Not after what he'd done.

It was his first memory, or so it seemed. He knew there was more before that, he knew there was something he'd done, or gone through, but what? All he knew was that his hands had acted as if possessed.

A flash of blue in the corner of his eye, that was his first memory. He looked to his side, and found a blue haired girl, floating above the orange sea. He had felt a pang of hurt, seeing that solemn figure, and another pang as she vanished before his eyes. All it took was a blink of an eye, yet it left him wondering who that girl was, and if he hadn't imagined it all from the start.

The pain he'd felt, the feeling of rejection, at that moment, for some reason, it seemed like the best thing to do. He didn't even know why he felt rejected, he just did. So, with all that frustration built up in his mind, he decided to commit that terrible act to a person he didn't even know, or thought he didn't know. He'd tried to strangle that red-haired girl, tried to kill her, but when she touched him he couldn't finish that act.

He'd cried, but didn't know why, and he'd ran. He felt lost, and in fact was quite lost. Lost in his mind, in this city, or what remained of it anyway. He couldn't even remember who he was himself.

He'd looked himself over in a broken window, that which once belonged to a store. The boy that stared back, his hair ruffled, clothes stained and torn. He had just stood there, for what seemed like an eternity, and looked himself over. He didn't know the person he saw in the window, just like he didn't know the two girls of two days prior. He just didn't understand why he couldn't remember, he tried so hard to remember, but all that thinking had left him with a terrible headache, as if it was deterring him from digging too deep.

The only real certainty he'd had for the past two days was that he was hungry. His stomach hurt so much, almost as much as his head, and heart. He dropped to his knees, for what must've been the hundredth time since he started walking two days ago. He rubbed his eyes violently, then his temples, hoping that it might somehow make him remember what the hell was going on, but, like all the ninety-nine times before, he remained clueless of his identity, as well as his whereabouts.

Seeing the futility in trying to remember his past, he got up and just walked, walked wherever his legs took him. He kept his head blank, just focussing on the placement of his feet on the unstable ground beneath them, trying to keep his balance as he made his way through the rubble.

He was beyond tired, but he kept on going. Every time he set a milestone for himself. _Just make it to that pile of rubble._ And then, when he'd reached it, he'd set another. _Just get to that tree, then you can sit down._ This went on, it went on so long he didn't remember when he first promised himself to sit down at the next 'milestone'. He had just climbed over the debris of a destroyed building, having broken this promise for the umpteenth time, when he turned around. He was so tired he didn't notice at first, but as his tired eyes came into focus he slowly ground to a halt, his mouth agape as he looked at the spectacle before him.

His eyes nearly dropped from their sockets as he took in the sight before him, a gigantic hole, miles in diameter, reaching as far as the mountain chain that circled the destroyed city. Slowly, he took a step forward, then another one, this time less hesitant, and then another. Absentmindedly he noticed the foul smell in the air, that of burnt metal, wood, and various other materials he couldn't quite place. It would've made him sick to his stomach if he would've taken the time to stop and take it all in.

There was a feeling about this place, a strange sense of déjà vu. It was as if he had been here, had witnessed it all. He tried to remember, tried to put what he was seeing right now into context, but trying to remember just brought up a lot of clutter and noise within his mind, as if listening to static on a radio. Perhaps what lay before him could tell him something, help him remember.

He took a tentative step towards the edge of the crater, and found the ground underneath his feet crackling as he put his weight on it. He looked down, surprised, and found the source of the putrid smell. The ground was scorched pitch black, and covered in what seemed like glass. He simply couldn't imagine what intense heat could've caused the stone to turn to glass. Whatever happened here had caused great destruction, and it had, without a doubt, something to do with the state of the city around him.

He slowly stepped closer to the edge, and looked down into the cavernous space of the hole. It was so deep that he felt momentarily overtaken by vertigo, and quickly stepped back, staggering with dizziness. Swinging his arms wildly to try and regain his balance, he finally fell backwards hitting his head hard on the scorched rocks. He lay still for a moment, and groaned in pain. His eyes came back into focus, though he was still a bit dizzy from the hit on his head, and got back on his feet a moment later. That turned out to be a bad idea, as his dizziness worsened significantly simply from the act of standing up.

The dizziness and putrid smell, that was now finally beginning to penetrate his nostrils, turned out to be too much. He dropped to his knees and palms and dry heaved a couple of times, no food in his gut to expel. He tried to take in a deep breath, but the smell was still there. Wanting to get away as quickly as possible he got back on his feet, and staggered away. He felt miserable. His head hurt so much, and his stomach wasn't cooperating either so he tried to move faster, but he couldn't see clearly anymore. He ground to a halt, and squeezed his eyes shut tightly, to try and focus his vision.

Scanning his surroundings he finally found a descent enough place to rest, a decayed building only just undamaged enough to give him some cover from the cold wind. He stumbled forwards again, the sudden movement becoming too much, and dropped to his knees again. Immediately he tried to get up again, trying to push himself up with his hands. After two tries he gave up and simply crawled towards the cover, his skin and clothes now black from the burnt earth.

He pushed himself in the corner of the building, nothing significant left to remind him what this construction had been used for before its' destruction. Finally he sat himself down in the corner, back to the wall. He wanted to stay awake, but he was too tired and dizzy to keep his eyes open any longer. It wasn't too long before he finally succumbed to a deep sleep.

-----

In a jolt he awoke, and sat up on the hard concrete floor he had slept on. His muscles ached all over, disagreeing with him for his choice of sleeping arrangements. He breathed in the crisp air and shivered, though not from the cold, but from the disturbing dream he just had. His mind was cloudy, and he couldn't quite grasp what he had seen in his deep slumber, just that bright, all consuming ball of fire, burning on his retinas, expanding towards him and then... that girl again. The girl with blue hair, looking at him with an impassive gaze yet… crying silent tears.

He got up immediately, and started towards an unknown destination. It was like the day before, and the day before that, just walking to get somewhere, anywhere. Even though he felt like he was walking around aimlessly again, there was a difference in his stride that told him he somehow knew where he was going, like there was some sort of beacon calling out to him from a distance.

As he walked, he no longer wondered about his surroundings, he just walked to wherever his subconscious was taking him, as if it was telling him to go to a place that was of great importance. He just looked forward and thought of nothing. Nothing except that girl.

He had been walking for what must've been at least a few hours until he found himself on higher ground, overlooking the devastation of the city, the huge crater with charred remains surrounding it, and a lake. No, another crater? Yes, another crater just outside the city, that was where he was going. He had to go there, his mind was telling him, and he didn't know why. But what else was there for him in this place? He had nowhere to go so he just followed that feeling in his gut, telling him there was something he might learn at that other crater, give him new insight in his dire situation.

-----

What lay before him was a perfectly circular crater, taken over by the water and formed into a lake. He couldn't even remember the journey that took him to where he now stood, couldn't remember how long it had taken him to get to here except that he had spotted this place from the hill that lay behind him.

It had started to become dark, he noticed finally as he gazed at the stars above him. He could only see a few through the thick and heavy clouds above him. He could sense the wrong in this place, as he once again laid his eyes on the lake before him, the terrible wrong that seemed to have claimed this piece of land. He felt sad, as sad as he had ever felt as far as he could remember. Perhaps coming to this place had been a bad decision after all, it seemed so merciless, unrelentingly tense. It clawed at his aching heart as he stared ahead, seeing nothing, just staring for the sake of staring.

He closed his eyes, and could see the flash, feel the heat on his skin again as he felt in his dream. Something warm slipped down his cheek, and ran over his lips. Salty, tears. He was crying again, like 3 days ago, not knowing why besides that it had to do with the blue haired girl.

As if on cue it started raining, starting with a slight drizzle, but quickly turning into a heavy downpour. He just stood there, letting the rain flush over him, crying. The rain was cold but gentle, and as he kept his eyes closed he turned his face to the sky, allowing the rain to drain away his tears.

He tilted his face down again, outstretched his arm, and opened his eyes slowly, simply looking at the raindrops impacting with his skin. He opened his hand, palm to the skies above, still simply looking at the raindrops. He cupped his hand, cradling the water within, and slowly overturned his hand, the water mingling with the dirt on his fingers, then slipping through them and to the sandy ground under his feet. The feeling of the water slipping through his fingers mirrored the emotions running through him, as if all that he once had had slipped away like the water slipped away right then. Tumbling down to the earth, the beautiful drops of water impacted with the ground and disintegrated.

He dropped to his knees and clawed at the ground, hoping to find a solution to his situation, hoping to find answers in the sand. After a while he simply stopped, closed his eyes again and lay down, hoping to melt away in the sand like the raindrops that fell from the clouds. He curled up into a ball and sobbed for a long time He looked up one more time and saw that girl again. A soft smile crossed her face and he smiled back despite his tears, then finally fell away into unconsciousness.

-----

He looked to the bloodstained cross pendant in his hand, let it slide from his palm, and dangled it from the cord strapped around his finger. He slapped his hands over his eyes hard. How was this happening to him? How could everything be _this_ wrong?

"Damn it… damn it… _damn it!_" Even barely over a whisper, his voice and throat strained under the words. His throat felt clogged, and his eyes brimmed with tears, one or two spilling from his eyes and slipped through his fingers.

A chill ran down his spine as he felt a familiar presence, like an aura around him, slowly thickening. He looked through his fingers, still clawing at his face as he did so, and saw a being of white moving through the clouds below, towards him. His eyes widened in recognition, but he could say nothing.

Slowly she faced him, her hands reaching out towards him, around him. Her eyes a black void with only a small red pupil centred in the middle. His fingers dug deeper into his skin, and his eyes widened further. "Ayanami…!"

His voice was still barely above a whisper, his breath caught in his throat. "Rei…" As if the simple mention of her first name sparked something in her, her black eyes shut. She opened them again, no longer empty and black, but normal, recognition, compassion in her eyes as she cradled Eva in her hands.

The final straw. His mind could take no more, and he screamed. He sat up straight in a jolt, and found himself in an unfamiliar room, on an unfamiliar bed. He panted heavily as he looked around, dumbfounded.

The scene before him gave him a strange vibe. He was in a hospital, and it somehow gave him the feeling he'd spent a lot of time here. He couldn't quite place it, but it was an unnerving thought nonetheless.

He laid back on the soft mattress, and looked at the ceiling. _Unfamiliar ceiling…_ He frowned at that thought, a sense of déjà vu accompanying it. After a moment his mind trailed off. He looked to the window to his left, and saw the red hues of the setting sun in the distant sky. _Dusk._ He remembered his dream. "…Rei…" He muttered under his breath. _Was that her name? Was that the blue-haired girl's name?_

A squeaking noise to his right pulled his attention away from his thoughts, and he looked at the source. Slowly, the door opened, a young women dressed in a lab coat walked in, blonde hair. She made her way towards him, a soft smile on her face. Another man accompanied her, tinted glasses sat on his nose, his face scrunched up in seriousness. He just stood at the entrance.

She reached his bedside which made him retreat slightly under his covers. That smile on her face seemed fake, and it scared him. "How are you feeling Shinji?" She said after a moment.

_Shinji_ He sat up straight on the mattress, and shuffled uncomfortably. Was that his name, and if so, how did the woman know of it? Had he seen her before?

She waited a moment for him to respond, but his lack thereof made her frown slightly. She shrugged it off and continued. "We were very lucky to find you when we did, Shinji…" The confused expression on his face at the mention of his name struck her as peculiar. Nevertheless, she continued. "When we found you, you were on the brink of death… to be honest, we didn't know if you would survive at first. You've been out for more than a week."

"Shinji…?" He mouthed, barely audible. His face was blank, a hint of sadness in his eyes. It was as if he hadn't even heard the rest of what she had said. "Yes… that is your name. You are Shinji Ikari, Third Child, pilot of Evangelion Unit 01." She swallowed as the boy's blank expression changed into one of confusion. "You… you don't remember?" She looked back at the man at the door which kept unmoving even at her questioning gaze.

_Evangelion?_ A chill shot down his spine. Shinji's gaze dropped to his lap as he drew up his knees to his chest, and encircled them with his arms. "I… I can't remember… What did you mean… p-pilot of U.. Unit… 01?"

"Don't you remember any of your time at NERV? It was your father's organization Shinji…"

"My… father?" He looked at the man at the entrance, and feared his reaction for some reason. _Why?_ This women just walked in, and told him more than his mind was able to process, or willing for that matter. He wanted to know what happened, who he was, but everything she told him felt dangerously familiar. It was as if his mind was warning him not to think too much on the subject of his past.

"Stay here…" Was all she said as she and the man disappeared from the room. Not even noticing the doctors' departure, Shinji just sat, entangled in his confused mind. _Shinji… Ikari_. He thought, his lips moving around the strangely familiar words without a sound. _Why… why is it familiar? I don't know what happened… right? Whenever I think, try to remember… it's all just a void._

_Father_. The very thought chilled him, why did those two seem so familiar, yet so fake? Just why did NERV chill him, pain him even when he thought about it, even though he couldn't remember what it meant to him. They were nothing but words to him. _Right?._ His heart jumped as he questioned himself. They were words accompanied by feelings he didn't understand, but it felt as if he knew them, knew what they truly meant deep inside. Thinking this much about these things frightened him deep down.

He hadn't expected a hospital to be this quiet, even at night. It was as if no one was even there. He let out a shuddery breath, his eyes drooped. He was still exhausted, even though he'd been in a coma for the past week. He dropped his arms from their position around his knees, and rested his legs back on the mattress. As his head slowly dropped back onto the pillow, his eyelids sagged down and finally shut entirely after a few moments.

Darkness, pitch black. His legs felt like rubber, shaky, unstable. He looked up. A huge monster loomed over him, standing as tall as a skyscraper. It's eyes gleamed of white light, straight at him, straight through his skin, and into his soul. _Unit 01? _He jerked suddenly in the bed. His eyes shot wide open, yet still drowsy with sleep his heart raced.

He stayed motionless, and breathed silently, as if the sound of his breathing would alert a beast that would devour him if it found him. He stayed stock-still as minutes past, just telling himself to ignore what he thought. _Don't think about it, don't think about it, just don't think about anything._ He kept his mind clear forcefully, expelling any thought the moment it popped up.

Minutes turned into half an hour, then he finally allowed himself to breathe normally again. As if the danger had passed, he finally let out a shuddery breath. His hand moved to his heart, which pounded with abandon still, as if trying to escape from the confines of his chest.

He was sweating profusely, just staring blankly at the ceiling. His heart was slowly returning to its' normal pace of beating, but he was still afraid, still wouldn't allow himself to think anything. He looked out the window again, dusk had turned into night, the sky dark but clear.

He startled when a face flashed outside the window for a mere millisecond, then vanished into nothingness. Shaking he got up, and despite his scare he slowly walked up to the window. _Second floor?_ Was all he could think as he looked out the window. There was no way he could've seen what he just saw. _She smiled again._

He flinched and squeezed his eyes into tight slits, was he seeing that? It was her again, right outside. His heart jumped, and he jolted out of the room. He had to see her, had to talk to her. He didn't know where he was going but he needed to know, he needed to see her once more. His heart raced as he ran through the empty hallways of the decrepit hospital. He found no one in the hallways, just empty cracked walls and broken wooden floors as he sprinted through.

Finally he was outside, not even caring about whatever purpose there was for him in that hospital. He didn't even want to know those people, but that girl, that blue-haired girl he knew. He looked around, unable to find her again. A slight jolt of pain in his heart when he realized he might not find her. He hyperventilated, looking in every direction. Finally he spotted her in the distance and jolted for her in an instant.

Previously unshed tears slipped from the corners of his eyes as he ran hard, trying to catch up with her impossible. She wasn't even running, yet still he wasn't making any progress. He sobbed harder as he ran, why couldn't he reach her? He yelled out, "Rei!", and she finally turned and looked at him. He ground to a halt and found himself right in front of her. He rubbed the tears from his eyes, yet unable to stop them from running. She was squatting in the grass now, her hand outstretched in the air before her, as if she was grasping for something. He whispered her name again, and she looked over her shoulder to him.

She said nothing, just stared at him with sad eyes. Tears still ran from his own as he beheld her. He stared at her wide-eyed. He didn't dare reach out to her, afraid she might vanish if he did. He spoke again, his amnesia suddenly all but forgotten. "Is… is it really you?... Rei?"

She looked back to the grass before her, hand still outstretched for a moment, but then pulled it back. As if she hadn't heard him she spoke, "May I hold you hand once more?" His heart jumped in recognition and the tears flowed faster as if in response. He sobbed. "Yeah…" Sniffing back his tears he held her hand and looked into her eyes. Her hand was cold but comforting, and he couldn't help but ask; "How does it feel this time?" She said nothing, but smiled once more.

-----

His heart jumped, and his mind jolted back into consciousness as he found himself at the edge of a cliff. Finally he understood why he had come here, even though he couldn't remember how. He remembered the rest though, everything that had happened before.

He looked down the cliff and to the water beneath. The water wasn't near deep enough. Even from here, sixty feet up, he could see the rocky bottom underneath the waves crashing against the shore. He was here to end it, and the rest didn't matter to him. He blinked and for a moment she was standing down there, knee deep in the cold water, her arms outstretched towards him and smiling softly.

He smiled back. For the first time in his life he knew exactly what he wanted. With more determination than he had ever experienced he stepped off the edge, and dropped to the water below head first. He closed his eyes, only feeling the rush of air passing his body as he fell. It felt like a dream, nothing else mattered in these final moments. Before he finally hit the water and the rocks below a tear slipped from his eyes. He smiled and fell into her arms, and into oblivion.

-----

Well, that was it. I hope you enjoyed it and that you will leave a review even if it's just a simple 'cool', 'it sucks' or whatever.


	6. The HurtComfort Aspect: Ouch

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction incorporating characters and situations from the Gainax manga/anime series _Neon Genesis Evangelion_ and its related feature film releases. Gainax and its various media distributors hold sole exclusive rights to their use. The author is in no way affiliated with Gainax or its distributors, nor has this story been submitted for any commercial purpose.

_**The Hurt/Comfort Aspect – Ouch**_  
by Ikarus Onesun

Shinji Ikari raised a hand to his mouth and stifled a yawn, shifting uncomfortably in his seat as he stared blankly at the images being displayed at the front of the darkened room.

_It's Saturday morning,_ he thought dully, as he did his best to keep his heavy eyelids open.

_What are we all DOING here?_

The small conference hall in the heart of Central Dogma was barely half full, its occupants displaying various degrees of attentiveness as Dr. Ritsuko Akagi continued on with her debriefing session at the front of the room. Behind her, projected on a wall-sized video screen, was a still image of the spider-like Ninth Angel. Its black, multi-eyed torso lay askew on the asphalt in the middle of a major intersection of Tokyo-3, clearly displaying the large, ragged hole that had been blown straight through its body by Evangelion Unit 01's palette rifle the day before. Its four long, spindly legs towered overhead, lying motionless and at awkward angles, giving the dead Angel the odd appearance of an enormous bug that had been crushed by an even more enormous hand.

Normally, debriefing of the pilots and senior bridge staff occurred shortly after the conclusion of a battle, but due to the special circumstances surrounding this attack – namely, the sudden loss of power to the entire headquarters minutes before the arrival of the Angel – both Ritsuko and NERV's Tactical Operations Director, Captain Misato Katsuragi, had decided to postpone the debriefing until the following morning. The power failure had meant that almost no data had been collected during the battle itself by NERV's MAGI supercomputer system, which had been cut back to only 1.2 percent of its operational capacity when the electricity had been lost. Ritsuko had decided that the time would be better spent gathering as much information on the Angel as possible by direct examination of its corpse, and also to determine exactly what had caused the entire Geofront to lose power, before debriefing the pilots and staff on the events of the battle.

Unfortunately for Shinji, this meant dragging himself back into NERV early on a Saturday morning, and though he understood the necessity of the meeting, it didn't mean he had to be happy about it. He felt absolutely wiped out after yesterday's battle, and he'd been looking forward to sleeping in. The dry-as-dust technical content of Ritsuko's lecture certainly wasn't helping him to stay awake and maintain his focus.

"…highly corrosive secretion from the conjunctiva of the Angel's primary eye, situated here on the ventral part of its body," Ritsuko was saying from a dais to the side of the screen, as she indicated with a laser pointer where the Angel's primary eye had formerly been located before Unit 01's volley had virtually obliterated it. "Our analysis of the samples we were able to collect indicates that unchecked, this substance would have burned its way through all twenty-two levels of the Geofront's defensive armour within fifty-seven minutes, approximately ten times faster than the Fifth Angel's attempted incursion into headquarters…"

Shinji felt another yawn coming on.

He did his best to suppress it… and failed.

_This is taking forever…_

"… most likely conclusion is that the Angel could not release this acidic substance without first lowering its A.T. field, which left its underbelly vulnerable to an attack from below…"

He let his eyes drift across the room, noting the expressions of the others who had been called in to the debriefing. At the front of the room, on the opposite side of the screen, his father, Commander Gendo Ikari, and the Sub-Commander, Kozo Fuyutsuki, looked on impassively as Ritsuko continued her presentation. The pair were as still as wax figures – Fuyutsuki, on his feet as always, with his hands clasped behind his back; and his father, his folded hands and tinted glasses obscuring much of his grim countenance as he listened silently to the doctor's report.

"…currently reviewing the available data from all previous Angel attacks to determine if this is a common phenomenon that could possibly be exploited in further…"

Surrounded by a group of technicians, the three senior bridge staff – Lieutenants Makoto Hyuga, Maya Ibuki, and Shigeru Aoba, were sat together to the Commanders' right, directly in front of Ritsuko. Hyuga and Ibuki were tapping away at their laptops, glancing up occasionally at the doctor as they typed, while Aoba seemed content to merely sit quietly and listen to Ritsuko's presentation. Shinji could see his left foot tapping though, and he could also see the wires from the earbud headphones that were only partly hidden by his long brown hair. The faint sound of rock music was barely discernable as Aoba contemplated the projection screen with a feigned look of seriousness on his face.

Seated to Shinji's left in the front row, Misato was staring silent and stone-faced at the screen. Shinji couldn't be sure if Misato's hard expression was due to her hatred of the Angels, or because of the close proximity of NERV Special Inspector Ryoji Kaji, who was seated next to her. Or perhaps both.

Kaji appeared to be studiously taking notes on the debriefing on a yellow steno pad, but when he raised the pad to show Misato, Shinji's eyes widened when he saw that he had instead been sketching an extremely risqué drawing of a naked Ritsuko, and something that vaguely resembled a penguin… or perhaps a panda. With an outraged "hmph," Misato abruptly swatted the steno pad out of Kaji's hands, causing it to tumble to the floor. At the front of the room, Ritsuko paused at the commotion, glaring green-eyed daggers at Misato to Kaji's delight, before continuing on with her discourse.

"…coordinated effort from all three EVAs was well-executed, with each Unit assuming a vital role in the strategy…"

A familiar voice next to Shinji piped up. "It was _my_ idea," the indignant voice muttered.

Shinji turned to see his roommate and fellow EVA pilot, Asuka Langley Soryu, seated a few places away from him, her arms crossed expectantly as she glared at Ritsuko with her brilliant blue eyes. If the doctor had overheard the Second Child's comment, she took no notice of it as she continued to break down the battle plan that the three Units had utilized to defeat the Angel. Asuka's expression grew more sour by the moment as she waited for Ritsuko to acknowledge her as the author of the successful strategy, and when it became apparent to the redhead that no credit would be forthcoming, she blew a stray strawberry forelock out of her face with an audible huff and rolled her eyes, scowling, as she slumped back in her seat sullenly.

"…allowing Unit 01 to fire a full-clip volley of 105-mm explosive palette shells into the Angel's exposed underbelly, penetrating through the primary eye and destroying its core…"

At the mention of Unit 01, Asuka glanced toward Shinji, and the Third Child could almost feel the burn from the redhead's contemptuous glare on his skin. His eyes quickly darted away from the fuming girl, lighting eventually on the blue-haired form of Rei Ayanami, sitting by herself on the other side of the room. The First Child was leaning forward at her desk, her chin resting in her palm… much the same way as she normally sat in school, Shinji noted. But instead of the dull, detached expression she usually displayed in classroom 2-A, the ruby-eyed girl was keenly watching and listening to Ritsuko's presentation with an almost rapt attention, scribbling notes occasionally into a small pocket-sized notebook, and generally acting as if the doctor's lecture was the most critically important thing she'd ever heard in her life.

Shinji recalled how Rei had once told him that without EVA, she had nothing else. As he watched the slender girl carefully jot down another point in her notebook and then turn her full focus back to the doctor, lost in a world of facts and figures and theories, Shinji was all the more convinced that she had spoken the truth.

"That's about all I have, people," Ritsuko finally concluded from the front of the room, causing Shinji to quietly sigh with relief. "I'm sorry to make you all come in so early on a weekend, but it was vital to get this information to all the relevant parties as quickly as possible. I'd like to thank you all for your… undivided attention." She looked directly at Kaji as she spoke this final line, who responded to the remark with his trademark impish grin – a grin that quickly faded as he followed Ritsuko's gaze to the floor and realized that his artwork was lying out in the open for the entire room to see. The sheepish look on the ponytailed agent's face was more than ample compensation for the embarrassing subject matter in the crude drawing, and it was Ritsuko's turn to grin as she watched Kaji squirm in his seat while chuckles and giggles broke out all around him – the loudest coming from Misato.

"For those of you who neglected to take notes during this morning's briefing – most of you, from what I've been able to see – I've prepared copies of the dossier, which will now be handed out by… " The doctor's jade eyes swept the room before settling on her next victim, "…Lieutenant Aoba."

There was a pregnant pause as an oblivious Aoba continued to look intently at the image of the dead Angel projected on the main screen for several seconds, toes tapping, his head bobbing minutely.

Eventually, the long-haired technician realized that every single pair of eyes in the room was trained on him, and he abruptly sat upright in his chair as he met Ritsuko's expectant gaze. "Erm, sorry, Dr. Akagi, say again?" he blurted nervously.

"Mister Aoba, if it's not _too much_ trouble, would you mind passing these reports out to everyone?" the doctor repeated coldly.

"Huh? Why _me?"_ Aoba asked with a hint of indignation, as he glanced at a gaggle of junior-rank bridge officers snickering quietly nearby.

"Because,_ Lieutenant,_ this is a high-level NERV debriefing, _not_ Music Appreciation 101," Ritsuko replied sternly, before adding with a wry smile, "oh, by the way, 'Black Dog' is a _great_ tune, isn't it? Although 'Rain Song' is _my_ personal favourite. If I'd heard that, I _might_ have given you a free pass. Now please remove your earphones and hand out these reports, or _you'll_ be the one 'swingin' from the gallows pole.'"

"Yes, ma'am," Aoba mumbled, rising from his seat and shuffling to the head of the room to collect the stack of files. Inwardly, he suddenly realized a new level of respect for his superior officer, not just for her musical tastes, but also for the sharpness of her hearing.

Behind him, Ritsuko called out, "Once you get a copy of the report, you're free to go, people. Thanks again, and have a good day," before striding over to where Ibuki was packing away her laptop, and engaging her protégé in what appeared to be a serious discussion.

Shinji looked on in anticipation from his seat as Aoba made his way through the lecture hall, passing out the stapled sheets to each staff member in turn. Once he got his own copy of the lecture notes, he thought to himself, it would be back on the train, back to the apartment, and back to bed. He figured he'd sleep in until lunchtime, and after that, he'd worry about what to fix for dinner that night, take care of some homework, maybe watch some TV, listen to some music on his SDAT or play a little cello – the kind of peaceful, lazy Saturday he'd been craving before Ritsuko had called this meeting. But the day could still be salvaged, and as soon as Aoba reached him, he planned on getting right on it.

The Third Child watched as Aoba handed a copy of the dossier to Rei, who silently reached down for her briefcase and began to unbuckle it as the lieutenant turned and made his way toward him. Shinji was wondering why Rei would even need a copy of the report, as she likely had taken enough notes during the lecture to have already covered all of the information Ritsuko had prepared. As he watched the blue-haired girl fussing with the straps on her bag, his train of thought was abruptly derailed by Asuka, who had plunked herself down in the seat next to him and was regarding him with a scornful expression.

"So, once again, _Shinji_ saves the day, huh?" she smirked, her blue eyes glittering. "What kind of a sick joke of a briefing was _that_, anyway? _I_ was the one who came up with the battle plan! _I_ was the one who _saved_ your sorry _ass_ by taking an _acid bath!_ But I guess none of that matters to Ritsuko, or Misato – all they care about is who pulled the trigger, and who got the _kill!_ I've never heard anything so _pathetic_ in all my _life!"_

Shinji shrank back in his seat as the Second Child ranted away at him, before he finally managed to work up the nerve to respond. "I'm…_ sorry,_ Asuka," he stammered, unable to meet her intense, piercing stare, "I mean… I – I _know_ I couldn't have taken the shot without your help… and it's not like _I'm_ taking credit for the kill… Ritsuko and Misato, they probably just figure we _all_ did our part, that's all."

"That's funny, I don't recall hearing the words "Asuka Langley Soryu" or "Unit 02" anywhere in that long-winded snoozefest," the redhead shot back. "All _I_ heard was _'Unit 01 destroyed the Angel.'_ As if _that_ was the only thing that mattered! Don't forget, _I_ was supposed to be the group leader!"

_Yeah… you were the group leader who got us all lost_, Shinji thought to himself, as he cringed under the Second Child's caustic gaze.

_If it hadn't been for Rei, we'd probably all still be stuck in a ventilation duct right now…_

He bit back the thought, out of self-preservation more than anything else, replying only with a mumbled, "s… sorry, Asuka."

The redhead snorted derisively. "What the hell do _you_ have to be sorry about? You're the Invincible Shinji, and apparently Wondergirl and I are just your goddamned _entourage!_ Well, it's going to be a _lot_ different when the _next_ Angel comes, Third Child, I can _promise_ you that!"

With that, Asuka rose from her seat and turned to leave, just as Aoba arrived to hand her a copy of the briefing notes. "Keep them," she muttered to the lieutenant as he held out the pages to her, "there's nothing in there that I'm interested in reading."

"Dr. Akagi said everyone's supposed to get a copy," Aoba replied, confused by the redhead's refusal to accept the report. "What am I supposed to do with these?"

The technician was even more confused when the Second Child smiled up at him coquettishly. "Do you_ really_ want me to tell you?" she purred sweetly, before her smile melted into a contemptuous sneer and she turned on her heel, her ruddy mane flouncing behind her as she stalked off toward the exit.

As she headed for the door, Asuka passed by Rei without so much as a single word or a glance. Shinji's eyes followed the redhead before settling again on the First Child, who had paid no notice to Asuka as she had stormed by, and she was now doing up the buckles on her briefcase as she prepared to leave the room herself. All around the lecture hall, others were doing the same, chatting informally amongst themselves as they slowly made their way out the door and into the main corridor beyond.

As if she somehow felt Shinji's eyes on her, the blue-haired girl paused in her preparations and glanced up from her seat, fixing her deep crimson eyes on Shinji's own. Several seconds seemed to pass as the two Children regarded each other from across the room, a faint mix of surprise and curiosity crossing the girl's delicate features. Suddenly feeling as if he'd been caught doing something improper, Shinji flushed a bright pink and abruptly tore his slate-gray eyes away from hers, casting his gaze downward to stare mutely at the desktop in front of him.

In those few short moments, he had completely forgotten that Aoba was still standing in front of him. "Here you go, kid," the lieutenant said with a grin as he held out another batch of papers toward him, "hey, do me a favour and take Soryu's copy too, will you? I'm in enough hot water with Dr. Akagi as it is."

"Sure, no problem," Shinji mumbled in reply, absently holding out a hand to receive the reports. At the same time, he turned his head and glanced back in Rei's direction, where the slender girl had turned her attention away from him and was now fussing with her briefcase again. Apparently, one of the buckles was broken, and she was having difficulty closing it. Shinji found himself wondering if perhaps she would like a new briefcase for her birthday, before realizing he had no idea when her birthday even _was._

_Maybe I should ask her sometime,_ he thought, as he felt the briefing notes sliding into his outstretched hand.

Immediately, he felt something else – an intense, stinging pain in his left hand, as if someone had drawn a sharp knife across one of his fingers.

"_OUCH!!!"_

He dropped the reports on the desk and brought his hand up to his face, clutching his smarting left hand with his right as he gazed wide-eyed at the thin crimson line that was now running down the inside of his left index finger.

_Paper cut,_ he thought morosely.

_Ugh… it's a beauty, too…_

The cut was deep, and Shinji was dismayed to see that it ran straight across both joints of his index finger. He flexed the digit slightly, hissing through his teeth as the pain immediately intensified and bright red blood started to flow freely from the wound, pattering onto the floor of the lecture hall. Cursing under his breath, the Third Child wrapped his right hand around the injured finger and squeezed, feeling it throb painfully in his grip. More blood began to seep through the fingers of his right hand, and Shinji glanced around the room, urgently looking for anyone who might be able to help.

His eyes lighted on Ritsuko, who was just now passing through the door of the lecture hall with Ibuki in tow.

_She's a doctor,_ Shinji thought,_ maybe she's got a bandage, or some antiseptic cream or something with her…_

He rose from his seat, leaving his own briefcase and the reports behind, and hurried past Rei and through a small group of junior techs as he followed the blonde woman and her subordinate out into the hallway.

Shinji could hear the two women talking in serious tones as he trailed behind them. The topic of their discussion seemed to be the blackout that had crippled NERV the day before, moments before the Ninth Angel had attacked.

"…could the Angel have somehow caused Headquarters to lose power?" Ibuki had queried.

"It's an outside possibility, but highly unlikely," the doctor replied. "We lost our main circuit grid as well as all three backup systems instantaneously, which almost certainly rules out an attack from outside, and data from the JSDF indicates that the Angel was still dozens of kilometers away at the time. No, whomever was responsible for this had vital information about the Geofront's electrical layout – they knew exactly what they were doing."

"So… it was someone from _inside_ the Geofront that sabotaged the grid?" the lieutenant speculated apprehensively.

"There's no way of telling until we've collected more data – but so far, all the signs seem to be pointing that way. Is the dummy program still handling the power restoration process?"

"Yes, ma'am," Ibuki replied, "all systems are scheduled to be back online by 1400 hours."

"Very good. Let's get to the command centre and start running checks on all the separate subsystems," Ritsuko sighed, "we're going to have to go through each individual circuit in this entire facility and look for any fluctuations in the electrical current prior to the blackout. Hopefully, we'll be able to pinpoint the location where the power failure initiated, and then we can investigate from there."

"Um… excuse me? R-Ritsuko?" Shinji stammered nervously from behind the doctor. "S… sorry to bother you, but do you think you could…"

"Shinji, I'm sorry, but I just don't have _any_ time right now," Ritsuko replied shortly over her shoulder without breaking her pace, "if you need to see me about something, I'll have office hours available on Monday afternoon after your next sync test. Come on, Maya, it's going to be a _long_ day…"

With that, the two women strode off toward the command centre, leaving Shinji behind still clutching his bleeding finger as he watched them disappear around a corner. Frowning, he glanced down at his hand and eased off on the pressure he was exerting on the cut, but the moment he did so, a fresh flow of bright crimson trickled into his palm. He squeezed the wound closed again, wincing at the sting the pressure caused as his finger resumed its painful throbbing. His eyes darted around the hallway – there were still a few people hanging around from the debriefing, and surely _somebody_ would be able to help him out – but who?

At the other end of the hall, he saw Aoba chatting with Hyuga near a row of vending machines. Shinji didn't really know the two male lieutenants all that well, but they seemed nice enough – Aoba was actually pretty cool, for a technician – and maybe they'd know where he could at least find a first aid kit, or something that would help stop his finger from bleeding…

As he approached, he could overhear the two bridge staffers discussing Hyuga's exploits of the previous day, when he had commandeered a passing vehicle that had been broadcasting a local politician's campaign ads to alert NERV to the presence of the approaching Angel… an act that had produced an unexpected side benefit for the bespectacled technician.

"So… she gave you her card? That's _awesome!"_ Aoba exclaimed cheerfully. "Is she hot?"

"Yeah, she's… kind of cute," Hyuga replied sheepishly, seemingly reluctant to talk about the sandy-haired woman in the van who had been making announcements over the vehicle's loudspeaker. "Her name's Eriko, Eriko Shibata… she's a PR rep for that Takahashi guy who's running for city council."

"Well, you _are_ gonna call her, aren't you?" Aoba prodded, clearly enjoying his colleague's discomfort. "You know, she probably thinks you're this big hero, crashing her van through the Geofront's main gate to warn everybody about the big, bad, Angel – dude, if you can't score after _that_ performance, you're _hopeless."_

"Yeah, thanks for the confidence boost, Shigeru," Hyuga muttered, rolling his eyes, before he noticed the Third Child stepping warily toward the two men. "Oh, hey there, Shinji, how's it going?"

Before the young pilot could reply, Aoba had moved next to him, oblivious to his cut finger as the long-haired technician clamped an arm around his shoulder. "Now, _here's_ somebody you could learn a little something from, Mak," Aoba prodded, giving Shinji a good-natured shake. "Shinji here's kind of like you – shy, quiet, nerdy, _totally_ useless when it comes to the ladies…" – Shinji glared up indignantly at this comment, his expression mirroring Hyuga's, before Aoba subjected him to another whiplash-inducing shake – "…but he_ always _steps up when it's time to take care of business, don't you, buddy? He doesn't look like much, but he's one tough little dude! Did you _see_ what he did to that giant bug yesterday? Once he gets into that EVA, man, _nothing_ stops him! He doesn't feel fear, or pain, he just kicks ass and takes names! Right, kid?"

Shinji's finger continued to throb as he nodded his head weakly, staring at the floor in mute embarrassment. How could he possibly complain about a little cut now?

"Yeah, but I don't _have_ an EVA, I'm a desk jockey – just like _you_ – so the comparison doesn't really hold up," Hyuga shot back, his annoyance building. "Besides… I'm not really sure she's my _type…_"

Aoba raised his arms to the heavens, sighing audibly in mock exasperation. "What do I have to _do?"_ he protested. "C'mon, Mak, let me buy you a drink, and we'll try to sort you out, okay? Catch you later, kid – Hyuga and I have some "man stuff" to talk about."

With a wicked grin, Aoba grabbed his protesting colleague by the upper arm and proceeded to drag him down the hall in the direction of the staff canteen. Hyuga glanced back at Shinji and gave the teen a resigned shrug before turning around and meekly following the long-haired lieutenant. Shinji looked after the two men bemusedly, still clutching his smarting hand, as they continued to argue all the way down the corridor.

"What do you mean, she's not your _type?_ Don't tell me you're _still_ hung up on Katsu…"

"_Don't_ say it," Hyuga cut him off sharply.

"Well, hey, that might not be a problem… you could always ask Eriko if she'd be willing to dye her hair purple…"

"Shut_ up_, Shigeru…"

Shinji sighed, shaking his head, as the conversation trailed off into the distance.

_I wish Misato were still here,_ he thought to himself glumly, as he gazed down at his wounded finger and watched another scarlet bead drop from his hand to the floor with a tiny _splat_.

_At least she'd probably pay some attention to me…_

A sudden commotion from behind him caused Shinji to whirl around, and he was startled to see that his wish had been fulfilled – though not quite in the matter that he had intended.

Misato was rapidly stalking down the hallway directly toward him, hunched forward, hands balled into white, bloodless fists, teeth set in a fierce snarl, and thunderheads darkening her brow. Shinji's eyes widened at the sight, and he unconsciously took a step backward – he'd seen Misato angry before, but never like _this._

Right now, the lavender-haired woman looked downright _homicidal._

Shinji swallowed hard, frantically searching his brain for anything he might have done recently that could have sent his guardian into such a towering rage, before he recognized the ponytailed figure striding along behind Misato, and relief washed over him as he realized that it wasn't _he_ that the apoplectic woman was angry with.

The Third Child suddenly felt very, very sorry for Ryoji Kaji.

"…can't _believe_ you! Ever since you've _been_ here, you've been making me _miserable! MISERABLE!_ Don't you have anywhere _better_ to be, anyway? Back in Germany? The States? Antarctica? Anywhere but _HERE?"_

"Oh, come on, Katsuragi, admit it – you _know_ that no matter where I am, you'll _always_ carry a part of me inside you," Kaji cajoled merrily after her, "and hey, while we're on the subject…"

"_Don't_ flatter yourself, slimeball," Misato spat, "you were never that good to begin with."

Kaji clutched at his chest in mock agony at the retort. "Alas, the lady's words are like daggers in my heart!" he proclaimed in stentorian tones, before he stopped short, cocking an eyebrow pensively. "Wait… compared to _who?_ It's not… it's _Hyuga,_ isn't it? I've seen the way he looks at you – you've been having your way with him behind my back all this time, haven't you, you shameless little minx?"

"…a moon base," Misato seethed as she continued on down the corridor, "… _why_ couldn't NERV have a _moon base?"_

"Look, I'm _sorry_ about the drawing, okay?" Kaji shouted after her, the half-grin on his face undermining the sincerity of the apology, "I don't even _know_ if Ritsu really has a tattoo on her hip, and Pen Pen... well, I wasn't_ trying_ to be anatomically correct… or are you still upset about that whole elevator thing yesterday? It's not like the power failure was _my_ fault, you know."

"Too bad," the Captain shot back over her shoulder, "because sabotage is treason, and we _execute_ traitors! And right now I'd be _more_ than happy to pull the switch!"

As she marched past, cursing under her breath, Misato's chestnut eyes glanced to the side of the corridor, and she finally noticed that Shinji had been standing there watching her the whole time. He stared up at her uncertainly, his expression a mixture of confusion, fear, and an odd… _expectation_. Her anger seemed to deflate somewhat as she regarded the nervous teen, who was clutching his hands in front of him awkwardly. A thoughtful look crossed Misato's face, and she stepped over to the Third Child and crouched slightly so that she could look him directly in the eye.

"Hey, kiddo," she said softly, "It looks like you could use a little help."

_Finally,_ Shinji thought gratefully, as Misato graced him with a small, kind smile.

_Finally, someone noticed…_

"It's not bad, really," he murmured bashfully, glancing down at his finger, "I think I just need a…"

And then, as he glanced back up again, an icy horror chilled him to the bone as Misato's smile suddenly twisted into a frightening, venomous scowl. A series of veins as purple as her hair suddenly erupted across her forehead and began to pulse rapidly, as her nostrils flared impossibly wide and her hot breath pushed his bangs out of his eyes. As terrified as he was, Shinji also felt an odd, detached fascination at the sight. He had never actually seen a person's head explode before, and he felt like this was as good an opportunity as any.

"You're still a boy, Shinji, but soon, you're going to be a man – so I'm going to help you out _right now_," Misato rasped, in a tone full of razor blades and rusty nails. "I'm telling you that when you get older, if you ever, _ever_, turn out to be just like this…" – she turned and started jabbing a menacing index finger at Kaji, who looked on nonplussed – "…this… no-good, slimy, lazy, egotistical, self-absorbed, scruffy-looking, two-faced, disrespectful, perverted, conceited_ creep,_ I swear to_ God_, Shinji – EVA or _no_ EVA – I will break into your room in the middle of the night, and _smother_ you to death in your _sleep! _You _got_ that? Nod your head if you understand."

Shinji nodded his head.

Misato fixed him with a stare that could strip paint. "You're a good boy, Shinji," she stated flatly, "you stay that way, and nobody will get hurt." She swept her incendiary gaze to Kaji, and Shinji was mildly surprised that the agent's long hair failed to spontaneously combust, before the lavender-haired woman turned on her heel and stormed off down the corridor again. Kaji merely looked on as she stomped away, his arms folded across his chest and his eyes gleaming with amusement.

"_Who's_ 'scruffy-looking?'" he called after her jovially. Misato responded by jabbing another finger in his direction – _not_ her index one, either.

"Well, I'd say that was a bit on the harsh side," he remarked dryly, before glancing down at Shinji, who seemed slightly shell-shocked over the whole encounter. "You okay, Shinji?"

"Uh… yeah," he finally stammered, bewildered, as he watched his guardian stalking off into the distance. He glanced up at Kaji, who reached down and good-naturedly tousled his hair.

Shinji winced as he curled his injured finger and another jolt of pain shot through it. A small voice in the back of his head was telling him that it would be absolutely futile to ask the question that was right now sitting on the tip of his tongue, but he ignored it.

_Hey, it's worth a shot,_ he figured.

"Um… Kaji?" he began hesitantly. "I was… well, I, um, sort of need a…"

The tall man cut him off with a sly wink, before his eyes darted to the retreating form of Misato. "I'm very sorry, my young friend," he chortled through a lopsided grin, "but I'm afraid I've got to run… the game's afoot!"

With that, he turned and strode off down the corridor in pursuit of the seething woman, calling out after her, "Katsuragi, _wait up!_ C'mon, sunshine, let me make it up to you! Let's go get a drink! I'll take you out to dinner! How about we go shopping, and I'll buy you something nice? Hey, I know a _great_ lingerie shop downtown - from what I saw yesterday, you could_ definitely_ use some new underwear…"

"You… you _DID_ look up my dress! AUGHHH!!! Just stay the hell_ away_ from me, you _pervert!_ You _know,_ I've got a _gun_, you sleazy son of a…"

Shinji looked on with a doleful expression as the sounds of the couple's bickering slowly faded away.

_Nobody cares,_ he thought morosely, as he stared down at his throbbing finger.

_Everybody's got better things to do than worry about me, I guess…_

He was considering just returning to the lecture hall, retrieving his things, and making his way to the medical centre, when he heard the _click-clack_ of hard-soled shoes advancing down the corridor toward him from the opposite direction.

Shinji whirled around at the sound, and his heart leapt into his throat as he saw his father, Commander Gendo Ikari, striding toward him, followed closely behind by Sub-Commander Kozo Fuyutsuki. There was urgency in their pace as they marched down the long hallway, and as the two grew closer, he could hear them talking in hushed tones about something that had been found near the South Pole, before the bearded man noticed his son staring at them and immediately fell silent.

Any faint hope he held that his father might notice his distress and stop to ask him what was the matter, like any other father would do, was immediately dashed as the Commander merely shot him a cold, dismissive glance from behind his tinted glasses, before turning his gaze forward again and proceeding past the teen as if he wasn't even there.

Behind him, Fuyutsuki glanced down at Shinji as the two men passed by, and frowned as he noted that the boy was clutching his red-stained hand. The old man opened his mouth, almost as if he meant to tell the Commander that something seemed to be wrong with the Third Child, but his superior had begun talking about the "recovery operation" again, and was clearly not interested in anything else. Fuyutsuki glanced back over his shoulder and gave Shinji a sympathetic look before turning and following the Commander toward the lifts.

As the two men stepped into a waiting elevator, disappearing behind the sliding doors, Shinji felt a cold sweat beading on his forehead, and he noticed that he was trembling. Every encounter with his father left him feeling the same way – sick, small, worthless.

Even his own _father_ had no time for him.

He turned, crestfallen, and slowly plodded back toward the lecture hall to retrieve his things. Instead of going straight home like he had wanted to do, to relax and enjoy a lazy Saturday, it seemed he'd have to stop by the medical centre first, and then he'd probably just return to the apartment, shut himself away from the world, and dwell on just how insignificant he felt at that moment. The small amount of pride and satisfaction he had felt, after helping to defeat the Angel only the day before, had been effectively shattered.

He had just reached the door to the room, lost in his depression, when he was startled by the sight of the redheaded Second Child, who had nearly bumped into him as she came through the doorway.

"Watch where you're going, idiot," she snapped, as she moved to push by him.

Shinji was confused. "Asuka… I thought… I thought you left already," he stammered.

"Yeah, I thought so too, but then I ran into Ritsuko, and she wanted to know why I didn't have a copy of her precious lecture notes," Asuka grumbled, her irritation obvious. "Can you believe she's actually put a_ freeze_ on my NERV ID card? She won't let me leave the Geofront unless I show the Section Two guys at the main gate that I have the notes! So then I had to find _Aoba,_ and he said that _you_ had them, and that you were still here…"

"I took them for you," Shinji mumbled quietly, "they're inside on one of the desks."

"Already got them," Asuka replied, holding up the stapled sheets. Shinji neither expected, nor received, any words of thanks. "Ritsuko can enjoy her little power trip all she wants, 'cause I'm _still_ just going to throw them in the first trash can I find as soon as I get out of here… hey, what's wrong with your hand?"

Shinji was stunned. The last thing he would have _ever_ expected was that Asuka would show him any sort of concern at all. Yet, here she was, staring down at his clutched hands, her bright blue eyes wide as she studied his blood-caked fingers intently.

The German girl had been the bane of his existence since she had arrived in Tokyo-3. Asuka never seemed to pass up an opportunity to tease Shinji, or insult him, or humiliate him, or berate him for even the smallest of perceived offences. Despite her acerbic personality though, she was still a stunningly beautiful girl, and at that moment, as she gazed down at his hands with a soft, sympathetic expression, her sapphire eyes framed by her strawberry forelocks, Shinji felt his heart skip a beat.

"It's… I… I, um, I just cut my finger," he finally managed to blurt out.

"Oh, no… is it bad?" she queried softly, as she reached out and gently took his hands in hers, before she looked right at him with those impossibly deep, azure eyes. "Do you… want me to kiss it better?"

Shinji could feel the cold sweat breaking out across his brow again, and his cheeks suddenly felt hot as the redhead cradled his hands in her own, holding them up to her face as she gazed directly at him with a small smile. The look in her eyes, and the feel of his hands being caressed by hers, was utterly captivating to him, and he felt an odd flutter in his stomach at her touch. This was probably one of the most surreal moments he had ever experienced – Asuka Langley Soryu, the brash, competitive, headstrong Second Child, who usually treated him like dirt, cared about him, was worried about him, wanted to _kiss…_

And then, surreality was abruptly replaced by reality, as Asuka suddenly burst out into a fit of laughter.

"_Mein Gott_, if you could only see the look on your face right now, Third Child!" she giggled, as Shinji visibly deflated before her. "Oh, this is _too much!_ I wish Ritsuko and Misato could see this… the Invincible Shinji, the mighty Slayer of Angels, brought down by a little boo-boo on his finger! What is that, a paper cut? Better not let anybody know… if they ever send an Angel against us with paper-thin arms, we'll be _doomed!_"

Asuka then strode straight past the mortified boy, headed for the elevators, as Shinji looked on with a mixture of hurt, embarrassment, and indignation. "Oh, and just so you know," the redhead called back over her shoulder, "I'd _never_ kiss a loser like _you_ in a _million years!_ See you back at the apartment, dork."

Shinji just stared blankly as the Second Child walked away, much the same way a person might regard a retreating tornado after it had just obliterated their home.

_Are you really surprised?_ the small voice in the back of his head asked him.

Shinji sometimes wished that little voice would just shut the hell up.

His shoulders slumped as he turned toward the door to the lecture hall. _Get your stuff, get yourself a bandage from the medical centre, and then get the hell out of here,_ he thought to himself, as he stepped through the door and into the empty room.

His eyebrows shot up in surprise as he entered the room, though, as he realized that the room was not quite as empty as he thought.

He caught his breath as his slate-gray eyes fixed themselves on the slender figure of Rei Ayanami, who was sitting in the chair next to the desk he has been occupying during the lecture, regarding him with a curious expression.

An eternity seemed to pass as he stared silently at the blue-haired girl, before Shinji finally remembered how to make his mouth work.

"Ayanami… what... what are you still doing here?" he whispered.

Rei tilted her head at the question. "I… have been waiting for you to return," she replied, in her familiar flat monotone. "Please come here, Ikari," she requested, her ruby eyes fixed steadily on Shinji's.

After what had just happened with Asuka, it would be understandable if Shinji might have been somewhat wary of the girl's appeal, but as he carefully scrutinized her face, he could detect no trace of duplicity in her expression. After all, this was _Rei_, Shinji reminded himself, and no one had ever heard of Rei telling a lie, or worse, pulling a prank on someone.

Shyly, like a young deer being offered a treat from a stranger, Shinji slowly shuffled over to where the First Child was sitting patiently waiting for him.

"Will you sit?"

She gestured to the seat beside her, and Shinji, almost as if he had been programmed to, quietly sat down beside the blue-haired girl, never taking his eyes off of her as she carefully unwrapped something that she was holding in her pale, delicate hands.

"Give me your hand, please," she asked him in a prim, schoolteacher's tone.

Shinji felt a sudden reluctance – his hands were a mess, covered in dried blood, and he was afraid that Rei might find the sight of his cut finger a little distasteful – but her crimson eyes all but insisted that he do as she had asked him. Slowly, he released his finger from the clutches of his right hand, wincing inside as a gleam of bright red from the wound glistened in the light, and hesitatingly held it out in front of the First Child.

He caught his breath as he felt Rei take his hand – _her hands are… warm,_ he thought absently, not at all what he expected from the look of her pallid complexion – and he was inexplicably drawn into the pools of her eyes as she regarded the long cut on his index finger with a serious expression. As Shinji continued to stare into the First Child's ruby eyes, mesmerized, he could feel her wrapping something around the injured digit, and vaguely heard the sound of plastic backing being pulled off of an adhesive strip.

"There," she murmured, with a slight trace of satisfaction in her quiet voice.

Shinji blinked, pulling his eyes away from hers, and glanced down to his left hand, and his eyebrows shot up as he saw that a wide, cream-coloured Band-Aid was now bound around his index finger. He raised his hand as stared at the bandage, perplexed, as the First Child looked on calmly.

"Um… thank… thank you, Ayanami," he stuttered, as he gazed at his hand. She said nothing in reply, but merely regarded him calmly as he gazed at his finger in wonder. The finger was still throbbing beneath the wrapping, but somehow, it didn't bother him so much anymore. "That was really nice of you… but you must have been sitting here for a _while_ – how did you know I was even going to come back?"

She looked at him as if he had just asked her what colour the sky was. "All of your things are still here," she replied simply, "it was only a matter of time before you returned for them."

He glanced past her, to where his briefcase and his copy of the debriefing notes sat waiting. "Oh, yeah," he murmured, feeling slightly foolish, his cheeks colouring slightly. "But… how did you know that I'd even _hurt_ myself?"

Shinji was surprised to see Rei's own cheeks turn a faint shade of pink at the question.

"I… I saw, when it happened. You cut yourself when Lieutenant Aoba gave you the notes. I attempted to attract your attention, but you did not notice me, you stood up and ran past me after Dr. Akagi."

Shinji's eyes widened at the statement, as Rei's eyes dropped to the floor, her expression unreadable.

_She saw me, _he thought to himself. _She was looking at me._

_She was waiting for me all this time, while I was running around outside like an idiot._

_Everybody else was ignoring me,_ _but I ignored the one person that actually wanted to help me..._

He felt more foolish that ever after the girl's revelation, but he lowered his head, regarding her through his brown bangs, and gave her a small smile. "Well… I'm really glad you waited for me, Ayanami," he offered gratefully, as he rose from his seat and gathered up his things from the desktop beside her. "I guess I was lucky that you happened to have a bandage in your bag."

She gave him an enigmatic look as she rose and picked up her own briefcase, preparing to leave. "I did not have one," she corrected.

You could almost see the question mark floating over the Third Child's head at the remark. "You didn't?" he asked, confused. "Then… where did _this_ come from?" He held up his left hand, displaying the bandage on his finger.

She gave him a slight shrug. "I obtained it from the first aid kit that is hanging on the wall by the door," she replied matter-of-factly.

Shinji's eyes flew to the door of the room, and sure enough, right beside the doorframe hung a small, white plastic box with a conspicuous red cross on its front.

"You left the room before I was able to bring it to your attention," Rei continued.

Shinji resisted the strong urge to smack himself in the forehead as he continued to stare at the first aid kit on the wall.

"Wow… can't believe I missed that," he muttered sheepishly, before glancing back at his hand. "Well… I guess it turned out okay though – you, uh, you did a pretty good job fixing me up."

He turned back to her, and his eyes widened as he saw that she was regarding him with an oddly pensive look.

"I… am not finished," she murmured quietly.

Something in her tone caused the hair on the back of Shinji's neck to stand on end.

Time seemed to shift into slow motion as Shinji watched Rei reach out and take his left hand in hers. He was gripped by a sudden mute, paralyzing fascination as the blue-haired girl raised his hand close to her face, and gently placed a tiny kiss upon the bandage covering his injured finger.

For almost a full minute, Shinji could only stare at the slender girl in shocked silence, completely astonished by the First Child's uncharacteristic act.

Rei considered him for a moment, as if studying his reaction, before she released his hand, and then abruptly turned and made her way toward the exit.

Shinji was utterly stupefied by Rei's behavior, and he struggled to say something, _anything,_ before the girl departed.

"Ayanami… w-wait," he eventually managed.

She had just pulled the door open when he spoke, and she turned back to him, regarding him flatly as she stood framed by the doorway.

"…why… why did you… _do_ that?" Shinji murmured, feeling the burn spreading across his face once more.

Rei gave him another puzzled look. "I heard Pilot Soryu speaking to you outside of the room," she explained, "she said that if she kissed your injury, it would… feel better. I do not understand how this would be beneficial from a medical standpoint, but I… wished to give whatever assistance I could."

She tilted her head slightly as she glanced down to his bandaged finger. "Does it not feel better?"

Shinji had to admit that at that particular moment, the cut on his finger was the absolute last thing on his mind, as he gazed into the crimson eyes of the blue-haired girl before him.

"Uh… well, yeah… actually, it does," he finally admitted, as he unconsciously clenched and unclenched his left hand.

Rei arched an eyebrow at his reply, her ruby eyes drifting off into space. "How curious…" she whispered, her expression pensive, as she attempted to fathom how such a simple act could have such an effect. For a moment, it looked to Shinji as if the confused girl wished to ask him another question, but she simply shook her head minutely before she seemed to regain control of her thoughts and turned her placid gaze back to the boy. Her usual flat demeanor seemed to have fully restored itself – with the exception of the tiny crinkle that still lingered over the bridge of her nose, and the faint flush on her cheeks.

"Goodbye, Ikari," she finally stated, before she turned and walked out the door.

Shinji couldn't have been more stunned if someone had walked up behind him with a baseball bat, lined it up with the back of his skull, and swung for the fences.

_What the hell just happened?_ was the only coherent thought he could muster at that moment.

Suddenly feeling weak, he slumped back down into a chair and ran a hand through his brown hair as the frazzled teen struggled to comprehend everything that had just occured in the last few minutes.

One thing was certain, though – enjoying a lazy, relaxing Saturday was clearly no longer an option…

-----

Author's notes: Another one down for the "Aspects" project! I took on "Hurt/Comfort" this time because it's one category of fan fiction that I actually have a real dislike for. The things that some authors have done to "hurt" their characters so that they can be "comforted" are downright criminal, and in some cases, a bit sick. My spin on it is, admittedly, a bit of a piss-take, but I think all of the necessary elements of the genre are still present, and I wanted to evoke the more light-hearted atmosphere of the earlier episodes of the series in this one. Actually, I really enjoyed writing this, because it ended up becoming a bit of a character study for several members of the EVA cast, which wasn't my intent when I started. It was fun for me to see people like Aoba and Hyuga getting a little screen time in a piece where they're not just spouting out technical jargon… anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this one.

And because I just couldn't get the idea out of my head… here's my first-ever omake!

-----

_Does it not feel better?_

The words ran through Shinji's mind over and over, as he sat in the empty lecture hall, staring at the bandage that Rei had applied to his finger.

The finger that she had kissed.

A strange feeling welled up inside him as he heard Rei's soft voice whispering in his thoughts, again and again.

_Does it not feel better?_

And the more those quiet words repeated themselves in the back of his mind, the more this strange feeling grew, quickly blossoming in his soul until it took hold of him and possessed him completely.

_Anger._

Pure, unfiltered, unadulterated… _anger._

"…that's _it?"_ he grumbled. "That's all I _get?"_

One of his eyelids began to tic uncontrollably as the Third Child's face suddenly turned several shades of purple.

"I… am… so… goddamned… _SICK_ of this…"

He suddenly shot to his feet, trembling with fury, as he glared up at a random point on the ceiling and began shaking his clenched fist threateningly.

"_How many times are you going to JERK ME AROUND?"_ he raged. "You call this _"comfort?"__ Huh?_ You think _I_ don't read fan fiction, too? Other guys are getting _laid,_ and I get a freakin' _peck_ on my _finger?_ On top of a _Band-Aid?_ Talk about "safe sex!" You _SUCK, IO!_ You _hear_ me? You _SUCK!!!_"

He reached down and grabbed his briefcase, and then stormed out of the room and out into the hallway beyond. "Fine, you're not going to write any lemony goodness for me? Then I'll just have to deal with it _myself! _I'm_ SICK _of being shy, and quiet, and nerdy! I want to be a _BADASS_, the way all those _other_ writers make me! I'm going to be _tough,_ and _fearless,_ and dammit, I'm gonna _get me some_ for once!"

Shinji glanced down the long hallway, where he could see the tiny form of Rei Ayanami receding into the distance.

"_HEY, YOU!" _he bellowed down the hall. "Where do you think _you're_ going?"

He held up his bandaged finger, waving it in the direction of the blue-haired girl. "This is the _best_ you can do? You think this is _"comfort?"_ Let me tell you something, sweetheart, I ain't nowhere _near_ being comforted _YET!_ You get back here right _NOW,_ you friggin' _tease! _ I want what's coming to me! I'm _tired_ of all the pussyfooting around, blue-ball_ bullcrap_ that that stupid hack author always writes for us! Now, get _BACK_ here, and _PUT OUT!!!"_

Rei was either too far away to hear Shinji's crazed ranting, or she chose not to react, as she turned a corner at the end of the corridor and abruptly disappeared.

Shinji stood, hunched over and panting, as he stared down the empty hall in frustration.

"Girl trouble?"

The Third Child whirled at the sound of a voice behind him, and found himself staring into a pair of crimson eyes – but not Rei's. The eyes belonged to a boy his own age, whose angelic-looking face was framed by a shock of shaggy gray hair. Oddly, Shinji found the boy's intense stare, wide grin, and earnest expression slightly unsettling.

"Uh… well, I guess – I guess you could say that," he muttered, glancing back down the hall to where Rei had departed.

"I see," the gray-haired boy replied, looking curiously in the same direction as Shinji. "Personally, I really don't understand why you Lilim males go through all the trouble… so, was that your girlfriend or something?"

Shinji sighed. "No, not exactly… our relationship is kind of…_ complicated…"_

The strange boy seemed to brighten at this. "Really? Hmm, that must be very difficult for you… say, how about we take a seat inside, and you can tell me all about it?"

Shinji felt a hand gently take his arm, and he found himself being guided back into the lecture hall by the smiling, red-eyed stranger.

_Okay… this is weird, _he thought to himself.

_Still, he seems nice enough__…__ he must be a foreigner or something…_

"Hey, what did you say your name was?" he asked as the strange boy led him into the room.

"Oh, sorry… it's Kaworu," the boy replied, and Shinji froze at his next words. "I have been waiting a very long time to meet you, Shinji Ikari."

As Kaworu slowly pulled the door shut, Shinji's confused, anxious voice could be heard from within the room:

"Kaworu... how… how did you know my name?

And_ why _are you… locking the…"

The soft _click_ of a deadbolt sliding into place cut off the rest of the apprehensive boy's question…

_Author's note – one serving of lemony goodness coming up, Shin-man, just like you wanted. That'll teach you to run your mouth on me. Dork._

-----

Please feel free to leave a review, or drop me a line at ikarusonesun(at-sign)gmail(dot)com.

Cheers,

IO


	7. The Science Fiction Aspect: Death by Gra

**The Science Fiction Aspect: Death by Gravity**  
By DarckRedd

Death by gravity.

A horrible way to die.

And that thing, that shriveled, distorted thing that huddled in the plastic incubator, the thing that spent every moment desperate for breath, was slowly dying, suffering through an execution ordered at its conception. Rei regretted it bringing it forth. The doctors had warned her, but in her delirium of freedom and love she had ignored them, and this is what she had birthed.

Slowly yet surely, this child, _her child_, was being crushed. Each breath would become a little bit harder, each heartbeat would take a little more effort, until one day it would be too hard. Its life would end, gasping for air. Rei's fingers pressed against the plastic that separated her from her child.

It had been almost a year since she had given birth to the thing, the twisted little girl behind the plastic, but the year had not dulled her pain any. In this place, with her daughter, Rei could feel horror grip her quite acutely. Her fingers closed into a fist. She wanted to scream.

"Hey." A word pierced it all, cut through the whirr and bleeps of the hospital machines. Rei knew that voice.

She turned around. Shinji stood in the door, looking at her. He was just as she remembered him; the same tired, sad man who had left her. Shinji was even wearing the same clothes she remembered from a year ago.

"Shinji," Rei said.

Shinji smiled, wanly. "It's hard to stay away." His face was drawn and his voice ragged, but Rei was still glad to see him.

Shinji walked forward, looking at the sorry thing in the incubator. "She's not doing well, is she."

Not a question.

"No," Rei said. "She is dying, slowly. Every second is torture for her."

Shinji did not say anything. He did not seem to move, but Rei could see his fingers clench and unclench, like they always did when he was nervous, angry, frightened. Rei remembered when he had left.

"Shinji," she said, slowly, "Why did you leave?"

"Money," said Shinji, quietly.

"You are lying, Shinji," replied Rei, just as softly.

"You know me too well," said Shinji.

"Please, Shinji, tell me why."

"You didn't want the job, the job that would have solved all of our problems," said Shinji. "Well, except for this. If I left, you wouldn't have any more options. You're not the sort of girl who would be that stubborn."

"You know me just as well."

"I see you've taken the position, though," he said, indicating her dark commander's uniform. A pair of white gloves rested on a table nearby. "You look like my father, when he was in charge."

"I wish I did not," Rei said.

"What did you do with him?"

"I had him placed in a nursing home," Rei said, quietly. "His mind does not work so well any more."

Shinji shook his head. "I never thought he would die like this. Maybe in front of a firing squad, but not like that…" He looked at his daughter. "They're very similar. Every breath for her gets harder, every thought for my father gets harder. Both get harder, harder, until it stops." He smiled, unhappily. "I've waxed poetic."

"Are we…?" asked Rei, suddenly.

"Are we what?"

"Are we back together?" she said. Her heart was pounding, but her face betrayed nothing.

"I don't know," said Shinji. "Are we?"

Rei embraced him, suddenly. "Come with me," she said.

-----

_Three months previously…_

"Commander on the bridge!" called the latest addition to the bridge. He was a thin, gangly man, with spiky hair and a grim face.

"At ease," murmured Rei. The bridge workers returned to work, preparing for angels that would never come.

The Osaka-2 branch of NERV was a near-exact replica of its destroyed Tokyo-3 branch. Memories of the old facility that had been her home and her workplace for so long flooded back, memories of battles with angles.

Rei tried her best to forget everything that had led her here. She tried to transform her mind into the blank, empty slate it had started as. If she did not think, she could not remember, and if she could not remember, she need not feel.

Finally, her stint on the bridge ended, and she went to the daily meeting.

There, everyone was assembled; NERV's intelligence division, NERV's R&D division, NERV's military division… on down the line, all the way to the lowly janitorial department. Rei patiently listened to each report, all of which boiled down the same thing: nothing was happening. One by one, the division leaders were dismissed, until only one remained.

Rei leaned forward. "Doctor Maya Ibuki," she said.

"Ma'am," Ibuki replied, not looking up.

"Please give me your report."

"All projects proceeding normally. Project E has finished the Mark II dummy plugs, Project Möbius has almost finished the rapid transit unit, and Room 107 has finished the next batch of dummies. As you know, the Instrumentality Project is totally stalled-"

Rei could no longer contain herself. "What of the transmigration program?"

Maya swallowed. "I know this project is of personal importance to you, ma'am, but it is going slowly."

"Why?" asked Rei.

"It's not natural," she said. "Shifting the soul from one clone to another identical clone is simple, but actually moving the soul from its own body to an entirely different one is very difficult. There are thousands of variables at work, there are-"

"What do you need to advance the timetable?" asked Rei.

"Ma'am?"

"Anything within my power is yours," said Rei. "What do you need to advance the timetable?"

Maya looked down at the table. "Ma'am, you have done everything you can do. Now, it's just a matter of time."

"How long?" Rei said.

"Maybe a year," said Maya, finally. "At the most."

"A year," said Rei.

"Yes."

"My daughter does not have a year," Rei said, quietly. "The doctors say she only has a few months, at the best. Doctor Ibuki, my daughter's life is on the line. Thousands of others will be saved. Why is this proving so difficult?" Rei's voice had hardened into a cold, sharp edge.

Maya squirmed. "I'm- I'm very sorry, ma'am, but there is nothing I can do."

Rei felt anger in her, a cold, hard anger that she was ready to loose on Ibuki. Her hands tightened by her side. Her jaw clenched. She fought it, she fought it hard.

"Very well," she said, suddenly. Ibuki relaxed, happily. "You may leave."

-----

_Present time…_

Rei had almost forgotten how good it felt.

She had almost forgotten, but not quite. She got out of the bed, sweaty and hot, and stretched. She could here Shinji yawning, twisting around. He always slept in, afterwards. She entered her bathroom and turned on the shower.

The warm water ran over her, washing away the sweat and sticky fluids. For the first time in a year, the horror in her chest had abated, and she felt calm again. It felt like a hand gripping her heart had loosened its hold, if only for a little while.

She stepped out of the shower, wearing nothing at all. Shinji was still asleep. Rei began to gather her clothes off the floor. They were all wrinkled, but they would have to do…

"Rei…?" murmured Shinji.

"Yes, Shinji?" she asked.

"I forgot what it was like to be together."

"I was glad to remind you," she replied.

He laughed, mirthlessly. "I hope I haven't made you into a target."

"For whom?"

"The press."

"No one cares about NERV anymore, Shinji," she said. "Only the old men."

Shinji fell silent.

Rei pulled on the coat, when Shinji hugged her from behind. She straightened. "Shinji…" she said.

"I'll make breakfast," he offered.

Later, Rei resolved that it was a good breakfast. Even equipped only with the rudimentary utensils and foodstuffs Rei kept in her apartment, he was able to make a good meal. Rei could barely contain her amazement. As they sat at the table, eating silently, she examined Shinji closely. He still had the mop of brown hair, the soft brown eyes. He had borrowed one of her robes, but she could still make out the skinny figure beneath.

"Why did you come back?" asked Rei.

"I suppose I felt guilty," Shinji said, after a long time. "I felt like my dad, running out on my family."

"That's a very questionable association."

"Logic tends to submit to emotion," said Shinji.

Rei could not deny that. She had just slept with her supposedly separated husband, and now he had cooked her breakfast.

"Are you going to stay?" asked Rei.

"Yes," said Shinji.

"What will you do?"

"I've been playing my cello for a living. I'll try and do that," he said. "I've also been drawing, writing…"

"Why?"

He shrugged. "Trying to find my calling, I guess."

-

_Nine months previously…_

The Committee was arranged around her, all of them. They had all survived. The dark blocks that encircled her were as imposing as ever.

"Commander Ayanami," said Keele, slowly. "All is well, I hope."

"It is so."

"Please report your progress."

"All projects are going according to plan," said Rei. "Instrumentality Project will soon be resumed. Project E and the New Dummy Plug projects are both two percent ahead of schedule. There are no major problems to report."

"I see," said Keele. "There is one other project, though…"

"The transmigration project, yes. The project is proceeding as expected."

"The committee wishes to know what the purpose of this project is."

"Our objective is the preservation of intellect… the deaths of some early scientists working on the Instrumentality Project were highly detrimental to progress. If their entire minds can be transmitted from one body to another, immortality is a definite possibility."

"Is this truly necessary? Will the Instrumentality Project take that long to complete?"

"We will only know when Dr. Akagi's sabotage has been repaired."

"I see, that is all."

All but one of the blocks vanished. SEELE 01 loomed over her. "We know you are personally attached to this project," he said, coldly. "Do not allow your emotions to become tangled in your work."

SEELE 01 vanished.

-----

_Present Time…_

It must have been quite peculiar to see Rei in wrinkled clothes; she did her best to ignore the confused expression of her underlings as she went to work. Forms needed to be filled out, meetings needed to be attended. Rei went about them normally, hour after hour, until five o'clock in the afternoon. She would remember it acutely: the way the sun was shining into her office, the way the cherry trees outside her office were blooming, their pink leaves whirling about in the wind, the way the clouds were lazily floating in the great blue sky.

Then, her phone rang.

Rei answered it.

As the doctor spoke on the other end, she heard her gut twist inside her, her muscles twitched. This was it… her daughter… was dying.

Rei left immediately. She strode through the halls of NERV as fast as she could. People watched her in bafflement, stunned that their commander would ever make haste in anything. As she hurried to the parking lot, she called Maya Ibuki.

"Doctor Ibuki," said Rei.

"Here," said Maya.

"Prepare Medical for the Transmigration Procedure."

"Wait- what?" spluttered Maya. "It's not ready!"

"It doesn't matter. Go with what you have."

"Commander, listen to me! There are a dozen things that could go wrong. Anyone undergoing the procedure… the probability of success is under fifty percent!"

"My daughter has no more time. Her body will die."

There was a silence on the line.

"Alright. I'll call sickbay, tell them to make the transfer."

Rei arrived at the ward where her daughter was kept just in time to see the transfer. It was all her heart could take: her daughter, contorted, gasping, being rolled out in a mobile incubator. Rei watched, heart freezing; she could feel it, the sensation: it felt like Naoko Akagi's fingers around her neck, choking the life out of her.

The doctors ignored Rei; they were shouting to each other, trying to get the patient to surgery. That's all she was to them - "the patient." Just a job. _Do not tangle your emotions with your work,_ SEELE had said. Maybe that was the only way a doctor could survive. Rei stared, numb, as they rushed past. She followed them, wildly out of place in her dark uniform.

It was only a short trip to surgery, but Rei felt as though it were decades. When the doctors piled into the elevator, she couldn't fit in. For a few minutes, all she could do was stand there, staring at the arrows on the ceiling. For a few minutes, she was completely alone. All she felt was the screaming in her own head, the horror deep her gut, and all the while, that feeling that she was choking.

Silence reigned.

"C-commander?"

Rei looked around. It was Ibuki. Everything was in focus; the woman's soft face, the grey that had entered her hair, the shape of her eyes, the shape of her lips. She could smell the woman: a plastic smell of labs and computers. Rei stared at her, and must have frightened the older woman; Ibuki recoiled, only slightly.

"What is it?" said Rei, more tersely that she intended.

"I'm- I'm very sorry," she said.

"About what?"

"Not going faster."

Rei looked out the window.

The elevator dinged.

Rei left.

-----

_Six months previously…_

Rei was alone. Alone in her apartment, just like when she was young. She sat there, staring out the window. She realized how little she had; how much of it had belonged to Shinji. She sipped at the tea she had made; it tasted bland. Everything tasted bland. Everything smelled like shit. Everything felt like dirt on her skin.

Rei stared into the cup.

It was her fault…

-----

_Present time…_

There was a little deck for observing surgery. Rei distantly imagined Gendo Ikari watching doctors work on her from this deck, as she was sure he had done in the past.

"It's starting," said Maya. The insane focus had abated, and Rei felt sick, but not insane. She supposed that that was a positive development.

The surgery began.

The surgeons were cutting open the twisted little thing's scalp.

Rei watched, face pressed against the one-way mirror that looked down on the room. She could see everything, the countless machines that stretched out her daughter's life. Rei could not believe it… this was the moment she had been working for, ever since she had first conceived of the transmigration project.

Maya covered her mouth and looked away.

Rei looked at her. "Are you alright, doctor?" asked Rei.

"No," said Maya, "Still a little squeamish."

"You do not have to observe."

"No, I'm going to," she said, insistently.

"Why look at something that makes you sick?"

"Because," she said, "I worked on this. If it works, I feel pleasure… if it doesn't work, I feel in the guilt. I have to watch."

Rei looked back down. The surgeons were moving on. They had opened the twisted little thing's skull. Another stretcher was rolled in, this one carrying a dummy plug… the spitting image of Rei, thirty years younger. It was empty, soulless, as it gazed blankly into space.

"Maya, thank you for attempting this," said Rei.

"Huh?"

"I thank you, Doctor Ibuki, for working on this project. I know it was difficult."

"Ma'am… I…" She paused. "You are welcome."

There was a silence.

"I think you might be one of the best mothers in NERV," said Maya.

Rei did not reply.

Something had gone terribly wrong.

She could tell; one of the machines was making that tell-tale noise of despair. The doctors and nurses were beginning to panic; they were hurrying about. _No no no no no_, Rei thought, every muscle in her body tensing uncontrollably. The feeling of Naoko Akagi killing her was suddenly fresh in her mind. _I am being killed,_ thought Rei. Rei felt her knees give out beneath her, she fell to the ground, hitting the cold surface, but feeling nothing. Her nerves, every single nerve, was transmitting nausea, that dull feeling of weightlessness. Her fingers were numb. _No no no no no…_ She could not breathe; she was going to die. She rolled over, and vomit left her mouth, leaving a sour taste. It still felt better than the sickness rolling through her body.

"Commander!" yelled Maya.

She could not take it. Her strength had given out. Images were rushing through her head, images of I life lived only rarely. _I've failed._ She could not deny that. She had failed. She gave in to the sickness. Everything was suddenly dark.

-----

When she woke up, she was in a soft bed. It was familiar She still felt sick. Her senses were incredibly dull. She opened her eyes; the world briefly whirled over her head, but it finally stabilized, and she pushed herself up. She felt so very tired… At least it was a familiar ceiling.

She could hear someone humming an old lullaby. She got up and walked to her closet.

Inside, she could see her memories. The dresses she had worn when she had lived, carefree, with Ikari. She saw the dark suits she wore now, and even an old school uniform from a school that had been destroyed sixteen years ago. Reaching up, standing on tip-toes, she grabbed it from the top shelf.

It was a little stuffed rabbit. Still attached was a note:_"Congratulations to the new parents! From Misato."_

Rei could not hold it back. She began to sob, uncontrollably. It all poured out of her, all of the tears from a year. It was like the cold fist had closed around her heart, and every second it squeezed a little more from her.

She heard footsteps, the door of her room opening.

"Rei?" asked Shinji. She did not look at him. "Are you all right?"

Rei said nothing. She just kept crying.

She heard him come closer. "They dropped you off here. They didn't say what happened."

"She died," said Rei, through her tears. "I couldn't save her." She turned and faced him, still clutching the stuffed rabbit in her hands.

Shinji's face was ashen. It was like he had turned stone. "She died?" he whispered.

"I tried. I tried to save her," said Rei, choking back her tears. "I couldn't do it…"

Shinji rushed in to embrace her. She couldn't say anything; she felt as if Naoko had finally killed her, once and for all, even in Shinji's arms. She had tried so hard… she had tried so hard… but she could not stay the executioner's hand.

The sentence had been carried out.

Death by Gravity.


End file.
